Since my last post I have given up on getting my W back. I realized the other night I don't care if she comes back or doesn't. Actually I am more on the side where I am thinking maybe I don't want her back. I can't tell you how much relief I have felt because of this. I do think about her but not nearly as much as I used to.
I have pretty much gone dark, but not completely. She will text me every couple days as I never initiate any contact unless it's about the kids. Funny on Friday she texts me some useless stuff late morning. It was nothing I felt required any type of a response. Then 6 hours later I get a text from her wanting to know if I'm ignoring her. I did respond to that and texted back I'm sorry I didn't realize what you sent earlier required a response from me. She replied back no problem and that was that.
Yesterday I drop off kids. She offered to pick them up but I felt I could control the sitch better and be able to leave when I was ready. I show up and she wants to tell me how her Friday night and Saturday day went. i didn't acknowledge it and payed attention to my S telling him to be good, I love and miss him and will see him in 2 days and give him a kiss. Then I go to say the same to my 11 month old D which she is holding. She then tried to initiate conversation with me by asking if I had any plans that evening. Once again I focused on my D and didn't acknowledge her question. Then I walked to my vehicle and left. I don't even think I said goodbye to her. Haven't heard from her since. I think she got the point. I'm not anybody's back up plan and I am moving on with or without her.
One thing i have learned about all this is the only control I have is over myself and my emotions. I realized once you begin focusing on that and planning your future without your spouse the pain really starts to go away. I feel so much better about myself and things I have accomplished the past month. I quit smoking, joined the gym, reinvented myself, began doing things I have given up. To be honest I don't even know where I had the time for a relationship let alone being married
