My W and I have been married for 8 and a half years and together for almost ten we have a beautiful 7 year old D. When we met it was a whirlwind romance. No one could tear us apart. We got married one year to the day after we met. Then four months later we found out we where pregnant. We were super excited. I think the birth of my D was a major wake up call for me and I made some big decisions at that point. I decided the day my D was born that I was going back to school and get my degree.
I went back to school and things did get tough for all of us. I didn't work much and we lived off of financial aid and the money my wife made at her job. We both worked really hard during this time. So, in May of 2008 I graduated and started looking for a job as a teacher. Well in the state we live in they are laying teachers off. Because of all of this I got very depressed. I wasn't really there as a H even tthough I went through the motions. There were times I was very mean and verbally abusive towards my W even though I didn't call her names I yelled at her in public and that embarrassed her and I don't blame her.
So on March 4th of this year my W dropped the bomb. I was still dealing with my depression and I didn' t see this coming. Believe it or not but this was a major wake up call for me. I decided it was time to find a job and be the H my W deserved.
With this wake up call my W decided to give me a two weeks chance to try and fix things. Well that came and went and that is when I got the ILYBINILWY. I was devastated of course.
As time went on she thought about moving out but couldn't afford and apartment alone. She wants me to keep the house and for our D to stay primarily with me so she can stay at her school. Since she couldn't afford an apartment her family was going to buy an investment house and let her rent from them for a while. Well that fell through.
With all of that at happening we had a talk abut our M and she thought we would date and see where that lead. Well at first things were great. We had fun and even started sleeping in the same bed again.
Fast forward to now and we are sleeping in different beds again and she has mentioned D once. She told me it was up to me when to file. Well, I don't want to.
I think I expected to much to soon and I scared her off and she says she doesn't feel romantic towards me. She says I am herher best friend and she is honored to be raising our D with me.
My W is only 34 but I think she is going through an MLC. She is going out a lot with younger people from her job. I know that she has been talking to an old friend from school and he is also going through a D. I don't know how far things have gone between them and I'm not going to pry and find out.
I myself have done some 180s myself. I am working a job I like. I have changed my diet and lost 35 pounds. I tried the going dark and that is when she came around the first time.
Like I said earlier she says I am her best friend and she is honored to raise our D with me. We get along well and do things with our D. She just wants her space and freedom to do what she wants.
What I'm planning on doing is to let her do her thing and figure out what she really wants. I know this could be very hard.
I am also going to see an IC. My W doesn't want to see one. She really needs to because she does have a few things to discuss about her childhood. Also, her parents live like we are and they have been that way since my wife was nine.
I am not going to push for a S or D. I am just going to sit back and patiently try and let her figure every thing out. I am going to work on me and give her the space she needs.
Any and all advice would be appreciated. I know I probably didn't hit everything in this post. I can fill in the blanks as needed.
Thank you so much for your help. I really need it. I truly love my W and want to save my family.
