I've been playing catch up this morning and saw your posting. I'm sorry that the stress level in your home hasn't decreased.
As for providing the bare essentials to your h, I would be very hesitant to do so. He's made his bed and he needs to grow up and understand that your family is not responsible for providing him with his essentials. The day he walked out would have been the end of such things. I understand where you are coming from and also see the way that he is using your children to get information. It's not good and I feel for you. Your children do not see how he's playing them.
As for the comments about you being a liar, your son should never have repeated it to you. Your h needs to hit bottom in all areas of his life to realize just what a good family he had, but walked away from. This man is still expecting you and your children to take care of him. Cut the apron strings and leave him to fend for himself. You've got more than enough on your plate just taking care of yourself and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
