I don't know what's wrong with me today, but I am total mess. I am feeling so low. I don't get how I can feel pretty good most days, and then out of the blue I suddenly feel like my whole world is crumbling. Gawd, I love my husband to death, and as much as I am trying to GAL and just take care of ME, its days like this - when he's with our children, and now at HIS house - I just miss him like crazy. The thought that our life together is over is just absolutely mind boogling to me. Although I am not 100% to the point of acceptance yet, I am working on it. But accepting it and understanding/getting over it just seem like two totally different worlds to me right now. I am just so sick of being without him. I can handle being alone, but I miss him, I miss us. Today I am yearning 'us' more than I have since when this all began. and I'm so po'd at myself b/c I just can't shake this feeling today. I know he loves me, I know he is still 100% attracted to me and that the physical bond is still there, I know he likes me, I know we're great friends, he thinks I'm a great Mom, we have two wonderful kids together, we still enjoy each other's company, we have the same interests, and enjoy the same things. So I just don't get how he doesn't know that he's in love anymore. I know its not for me 'to get'. But like I said, today is a bad day where I am having trouble controlling my thoughts, and not really thinking rationally. And what confuses me the absolute most is that with all the things he tells me about not being happy, not sure he's in love, doesn't think we have a future etc etc, WHY can't he admit its over and ask for a divorce. He's said everything else, why can't he say that. ahhhhh...
