Drinking coffee with a fork while sitting on the ceiling? LOL. I like that analogy. Very succinct.
Quote:
Until one day, I got it.

I realized that knowing why wasnt going to change what is. Knowing why wasnt going to help me through it. Because it really doesnt matter why.
I know you think that if your questions could just be answered, you can fix it.
Yep. Exactly!! That takes time Tad. And sometimes it takes ruminating until you throw up. Until you learn that the world you thought you knew was backwards and upside down and sometimes back again so fast you didn't have time to adjust.
As long as you stay connected, you will feel that pain. Letting go in a loving way is not giving up, Tad. By loving I mean by not going out and getting girlfriends, partying like a rock star and bad mouthing your spouse. It's ok to feel ok about yourself.
Self esteem? What's that? smile I know when it hit me I had my legs taken out from under me. I am at a place now where I can look back and see that this had been building for far longer than I was aware.
But I agree that once it sinks in, you'll see that you have no control over her and what she does. I think you'll see that you cannot know if she is happy or not. She doesn't even know! You said a lot of conflicting things as an example: she looks terrible and then she looks happy. Really Tad? Can you tell either of those?

25's list of crazy things said made me laugh and almost cry when it brought back those memories. Know what? I've seen 'em too as have almost everyone here. I think a list would be a good thing to see, 25. Even bringing up the past posts and compiling them.

Tad, focus on rebuilding your self-esteem. You don't know for sure what is going to bring that back, but get started. Don't feel guilty for your feelings. Don't worry that you are now feeling bad. It's been a month and that is incredible in this situation. But it comes and goes as I think you have been told before. I know I mentioned it. It's NORMAL Tad. It's no fun, but it is normal.

Detach and walk away for now Tad. Stay away. If you need a rubber band on your wrist to remind you to not look or snoop, then get one (snap the rubber band to distract you; you'll get the same pain either way, but the rubber band may be more constructive.)

Don't feel guilty for being happy Tad. You didn't mention it, but it may be part of this.

Stay positive focused on the things in your life you can be grateful for. Focus on you and rebuild that self-esteem. Rebuild your positive attitude. Then there will be more to do but you need that foundation to work from.

Lots of good advice here and lots of caring people that want to see you get healthy. Focus on you Tad. You are doing very well and need to continue that.

AJ

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."