So I always hate when we soft side things because we dont want the person feeling bad as they have already suffered enough. "Your only human" is only an excuse for behaviors that you should not have done but did because you are weak! I am not saying that to be mean but instead to wake you up to something you said.
You said you do not look at him like that anymore but clearly you do. You would not care what his phone says at this point if this were the case. You would not care who he flies out to be with him if you didnt still see something. No matter how long it takes for your marriage to resolve itself to a point where you can either move forward with him or move forward without him, you will go through periods where you reluctantly miss your life and must torture yourself by doing silly things.
We all fall back on stupid reactive behaviors from time to time because we have no fricken clue how they live with themselves and we get this silly thopught in our heads that maybe we could understand if we had some insight into their lives. It does not work that way.
Get back to your comfy place! No dumb decisions and then looking for folks to tell you its ok. When you screw up, take the hits and acknowledge that you allowed your emotions to guide your decisions. We all screw up now and again, if we own it we move forward, if we dont we will generally do it again.
I suggest you beat yourself up a bit about it because you should know better at this point and you will learn more by recognizing the mistake then you will by excusing it.
