I am so lost... Please someone help me! 2

[aeolianchaos]

I keep praying for God to give me the strength to move forward and be strong to make the right choices. That is at least one good thing that has come from this, is my recommitment to my religion.

Johnnie, you already have the strength. And you are gaining the wisdom to make better choices. Its a process and you are in the middle of it right now.

These things often feel like the wizard of oz -- the tinman wants a heart, the lion wants courage, the scarecrow wants a brain... they already have these things. They just don't see it and act accordingly in most situation.

25yearsmlc gave you some solid gold, and I don't think there is much to add to it. One way of looking at the $$ thing is that perhaps your W has some pride issues going on, and taking the $$ is possibly linked with that.

Its a decent thing of you to help her out with gas, and as long as you did it because it was decent (not pursuing w/ money/gifts) I don't know that its a backslide.

One idea, Johnnie, is to preload some of your decisions so when they come up you don't have to make it.

In programming, these are called "if then"statements. So make some.. "If I start thinking X about w, Then I will remind myself that I can't control other people and I am responsible for my happiness" or whatever works for you right now.

These kinds of things can be useful as a technique to further embed the idea that you are detaching for your well being.