I am so lost... Please someone help me! 2

[25yearsmlc]

your 180s sound really good. They are purposeful and specific so, well done!

Not sure what your GAL are other than exercise but you need them. Can you take a cab at least once a week to a class/seminar/club/meeting of some sort? IT would do wonders for your mind and ego/heart. You must pre-occupy yourself or you'll go nuts.

At one point I joined a writer's club, auditioned for plays, took a pottery class, worked out, used a tanning booth (It was Alaska in the winter), forced myself outdoors every day (no small feat) saw a T, and worked the hardest I have in my life, just to NOT feel like crap.

I know the driving thing is a drag. IS that a permanent deal? When my 89 y/o mom had to stop driving, my siblings pitched in to drive her somewhere once a week but my sister also found some FREE bus service through a church group that takes my mom to Bingo and another group that takes her to the community center. The place you live may have more than you realize, to help the legally blind. You are not alone there.


Can you ask the doctor for a prescription that won't hurt your heart? I cannot imagine that the stress and what our body does with that, is any good for your heart anyhow. I know at least one heart attack patient who takes anti-anxiety meds AND anti-depressants in part to cope with the stress of having a heart attack and what its' done to his marriage. (His wife is 20 years younger and not so happy--nice touch)

Johnnie, please see about that. Also if you can get an audio book (try the Power of Now by Eckart Tolle--sedating voice OMG--I could not drive when I listened to him--but he's soothing and there are parts of his book that truly calmed me down in this most terrible time--I'd go to sleep with it and another thing I found helpful for my "fury marches" --aka walks--was listening to optimistic music or an audio book on Handling Fear/Anger...so give it a shot).


Also, stop worrying about when you'll forgive and under what conditions. You are really confused about what it means and I understand that. I was too.

But when we say forgiveness is about you, we mean you have to do it so your life isn't consumed by the pain of an act SHE has done.

Right now, YOU are miserable b/c of something SHE has done.

Do you see how much power you are giving another person over your life?


You cannot control her and you cannot control the past. It happened. Let it go.

(I am NOT saying it's easy or that it's a fast process b/c it's neither). But you are

totally focusing on it, to YOUR detriment. It's like saying if it rains you'll be SO SAD...

You must be in charge of how your day goes, how you feel, how YOU cope w/life. NOT HER...


Will there ever be a day when she realizes how deeply hurt you are? I don't know. I like to think so. But if it ever happens, it will be far down the road.

You are clearly waiting for that and that's a mistake.


That's why we ALL say to focus on YOU and making yourself happy or at least not in so much pain.


If she had died, and you had already grieved, what would you do to make yourself happy? If you can imagine yourself being happy again, without her, what would that look like? Envision this. What would you be doing with your time and life? Be detailed in your visions.

Which of those things can you do NOW?


Let's begin that way.














Good luck