In regards to what you said about how much easier it is to write this stuff out...I used to plan out stuff in advance. Especially if I received contact in regards to a specific subject. I would draft sample e-mails or texts and get feedback on here before responding. It does make it easier. If you want to do that, I'm sure people would be more than happy to critique in advance.
As for the part in bold, this is why actions speak louder than words. Your actions need to be those of a friend balanced with making her miss you.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
How do I capture the conversations? Well sometimes I type as she speaks and sometimes I post immediately after or I will take notes and then come and post. Of course a lot of the conversation is lost, most of the small talk stuff, but I try to hit all the main points.
I do hope you come around again I read your post on juststunnned and think you offer some sound advice.
Actually Dmod I was working on posting something but I'm not done with it. Not a whole lot going on so I promise the thread will not become too large but if u would give me time to finish my post I would appreciate it. Like I said before unless something crazy happens I don't believe I will be starting another thread.
Even if you don't think you'll have a lot to post, having an open thread gives people a place to check on you. As you post less and less they'll stay open for months upon months. But it's still your place.
Just my 2 cents.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
It looks like everyone has all of this solidly under control. However, I did want to address one issue here that hits near to home. I absolutely do NOT agree that it is healthy for your D to see anyone whose contact is as spotty as your wife's. This is the childhood that my brothers and I lived and it was a nightmare. It caused a lot of issues of hurt, mistrust and ultimately erosion of self-esteem (read: if my own parent couldn't care less, then what is wrong with me). The thing is that it is way easier for the child to just not have someone coming in and out of their lives. I'm in a unique situation where I have been able to see it from both sides. My sister's father cut off contact completely. She does NOT suffer from these self-confidence issues. My brothers and I had intermittent contact with our father and all of us state uncategorically that we would have been better off if my mother had cut it off until he could have been more consistent. We would see him, have our hope built up, only to have them quickly dashed and go through a long period of depression. Then he would make contact again, we would be wary and distrustful, we would eventually cave, let him back in, get hopeful and then have our hopes dashed again and fall into another depression. Eventually all of us built resentment towards our mother because we couldn't understand why she wouldn't just fix the situation. Why couldn't she just make our father come home? It was all incredibly painful. My sister? She went through a depression, but she eventually recovered and was much more healthy. Do not introduce this into your D's life. She's been through enough. Just my two cents. Take care, sweetie.
