New to the forum.

[Lonely in SLC]

I can't help but think of Star Trek every time I make an entry into this electronic journal.

Captain Picard voice....."Captain's log, stardate 41153.7. My life and thoughts aimlessly drift through this great void we call space..."

Anyway, back to reality. My wife dropped the kids off at my work. I have them again for the weekend. We quickly spoke in my office about the status of the house. A neighbor is very interested in buying the house. The house might sell fairly quickly. I guess this is a blessing.

My wife seemed upbeat. She even commented that I looked good. I had bought some new pants (because I have lost 40 lbs since this all began) and wore a shirt she has not seen me in for a long time. I really did not respond other than say thank you. Part of me wanted to respond the way the Joker (Jack Nicholas) from Batman responded to a compliment from his girlfriend, "I didn't ask."

Within 3 minutes I brought the encounter to an end by saying goodbye. I think she was suprised that I did not try to talk to her more than I did. I acted upbeat the entire time, keyword here is acted.

I am a little bit upset with myself over something and wonder if others feel the same way. My wife lets me have the kids on the weekends so that she can go clubbing with her friends on Saturday nights. If you recall, this is where the security guard works. Part of me does not want to take care of the kids so that she can't go. I feel like she is using me as a babysitter so that she can go and enjoy here life. This is why I am mad at myself. I have to remind myself that I am fortunate to have the kids as much as I do, and to h*ll with what she does (detachment). I love having the kids around.