my heart is breaking

[25yearsmlc]

well said Kermit, well said.

As long as you are ready either way, then so be it. Go for it. I am not ever going to say "there is no hope"...

And it sounds as if you are not pinning all hopes/choices on your belief your h will make the right decision.

So I am comfortable with that and the reason I even mention my "comfort level" as if it's a factor, is just that I've seen a FEW people around here for YEARS waiting...and I mean waiting (not GAL and NOT doing 180s, just standing still and calling it "standing for m", you know?)

and in some cases their WAS's have literally married the OPs and had children with them! They are still there, "waiting" and often sort of bragging as if their waiting proves they are pious...saying "all in God's time"...I have seen people here for 4-8 years...literally. I call that being STUCK...

I never know what to say to that.

Yes I have had miracles in my life, I am lucky to say. I just don't believe what they are doing is DBing. I feel like I am watching people wallowing in victimhood and wasting their precious time here on earth Not accepting new reality or adapting at all.


Anyhow, since it doesn't apply to you, it's academic.

Kermit, I didn't know about or recall your h's nastiness and mean behavior. What's that about?

But then again, is that more or less confusing to you about his intent?

Okay I guess your DB coach said it could be he's still confused and that he felt forced into filing. Fair enough. But the notes he writes, that's not new, right? it's just not consistent with his other behaviors??? The nasty comments, then the nice ones, and the notes and then the filing...sheesh, talk about a rollercoaster. More like a seesaw...

Do you have an internal timeline that you can manage to cope with this, (at which point you'd emotionally completely detach)

or are you fine with it going on ad infinitum? I know the divorce may happen regardless...but for your sake, do you need one?


I am not suggesting either. But I did have, eventually, one in my mind. Of course, I had a pretty long one by most people's standards. I knew when my d1 graduated from high school, I'd have to make a decision. Lucky for us, that's about 6 months after h and I chose to begin piecing. And that was 2 years after h left, with frequent visits the first year, less so the 2nd.

Anyhow, what is up with your GAL and 180s?

Universally, the advice around here has a common theme, which is to focus on yourself. There's a reason for that.

Sounds a tad selfish but it's the opposite. It's like a 12 step program in a way.

For me, DBing was a spiritual awakening much like 12 step programs can be For me it was like this==I'm summarizing...

"Acknowledge a power greater than myself (God) and that I am powerless over my spouses's choices. (HUGE)


Then we do a fearless moral inventory and make the changes we need to make to actualize our potential, (HUGE)

and live our lives truthfully & with gratitude." Also huge AND loving.

Stay on your path Kermit, but maybe we can change that suject from your "heart is breaking" to you are "growing in strength/faith" or something a tad more uplifting???

((( )))