Tad, as you've probably noticed I'm in much the same position.
Until this week, I didn't realise that pushing this all away, and out of the forefront of my thoughts is for MY benefit.
Listen to these Ladies. I know it's such a simple concept, but so hard to "get".
What our S's do or say has very little to do with us these days. WE are not their focus or concern as their leaving has made clear.
I don't want to hurt anymore Tad, emotionally or mentally. Thinking about my STBX, what he may think or feel, what he does or does not do, hurts me, and puts me in a sad and dark place where all I do is examine my percieved deficiencies ( which may or may not be TRUE at all because perceptions ARE NOT neccessarily reality), where I am able to rip apart my own self worth again. No more.
So...I release him and those thoughts to the Universe/to God. This situation is out of my control.
What is in my control is doing what's best for me and my children and getting a grip on who I really am, addressing my own characterflaws that "I" think need changing, what I want to be, what I truly value, and what helps me find my "happy".
I am only at the starting gate, and I go hour to hour. I do notice though my desire to even have contact with my STBX is diminished greatly.
(((Tad)))
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
