my heart is breaking

[kermitdfrog]

jbnati, I honestly don't know if H goes to church. He stays with his mom and she has been so ill, I doubt they have gone. But I don't know. Before he said he wanted a D (in April) while we were working on the marriage, he came home every weekend and we went to church. But he no longer spends the weekends at home.

D left today to spend 10 weeks in Arizona for a PT clinical (she is getting her doctorate in physical therapy) Last night she, S and I were planning on going out to dinner. D had mentioned it last week to H, and just like he did last week, he called and asked if he could join us. Again it was great. It felt just like it used to (especially before last summer when he told me he didn't want to be married to me) No tension, just the four of us together. After dinner we went out for frozen yogurt. At one point he smiled and winked at me. He used to do that. Also, throughout our marriage, he frequently left me notes saying "I love you. Have a great day!" or something similar. Well, last night he went in our bedroom to get something, and after he left I noticed he had left a note on my nightstand that said "I had fun tonight" There was no "love" in the note, but I still feel good about it. He didn't have to leave me a note. It was sweet of him to do it. And again, why would he do these things if he wants to divorce me? He has to know it would confuse me or lead me on. Especially, because notes were one of the special little romantic things he used to do. I also got a hug and kiss when he arrived, and when he left. But, yet, the divorce continues.

However...it's been two weeks and he STILL hasn't given the kids an answer to their intervention. Have no idea what that means. His mom is still very ill, and in the hospital, and his siblings have been in town so I know he has been tied up with that.

He left for Miami tonight to meet some important people in the company he is trying to land that contract with. The bad thing is the woman in the photo from the fundraiser dinner works there so I kind of hope he doesn't get the contract. But, to him I have been very supportive. I offered to spend time with his mom at the hospital over the weekend so he could be worry free on the business trip. Maybe it sounds fake, but I really am trying to be supportive. Plus, offering to do that is a definite 180.


I have discovered that Friday nights are the hardest for some reason. I come home from work after a long week, and just feel so alone. Weekends were spent with H. At least my son is here, but will be going back to college next month. Usually by Saturday, I have gotten busy doing things, so I'm hoping that will be the case. I will lay out in the sun again, get some things done around the house, and meet a friend for dinner. Sunday is church, out to lunch, then go see my MIL.

Time marches on...