I want you to know that I did the same thing you did for a long time. I made myself crazy trying to figure out why. Why did this man that I have loved for over 30 years become someone else? Why did he do this to me? Why wasnt I a better wife? Why didnt I see what was happening?
I spun so much I was dizzy. And my friends on here kept saying the same thing everyone is saying to you. I didnt care. I didnt hear it.
Until one day, I got it.
I realized that knowing why wasnt going to change what is. Knowing why wasnt going to help me through it. Because it really doesnt matter why. I know you think that if your questions could just be answered, you can fix it.
I can tell you that knowing the answers wont fix it. And if you keep trying to figure it out, you will continue to be stuck.
Here's the thing. All this stuff you keep fixating on is weighing you down. It's holding you back.
The truth is they are in crisis. You didnt cause it, you couldnt have prevented it.
And since it is her crisis, you need to get out of the way and let her walk it.
She is going to be a million different people on different days. She is broken. Trying to figure out what she meant by something she said or did is not important because tomorrow it will be something different.
That is why you really must stop looking towards her.
Checking her facebook serves no purpose for you but to hurt you. So stop that. And I hope you didnt show your son her picture on there.
It is very important that you not do or say anything that will in any way push your sons to view her negatively.
You need to get out of the way of those relationships, too.
Put your marriage safely in a box and store in away right now.
I want to leave you with these thoughts:
Leave your wife to walk her journey.
You can only control you and your life.
Show your sons how to navigate through life's struggles with dignity, honor and strength.
Each day try to be the person you want to be. Some days you'll do it, some you wont, but that should always be the goal.
It is when you truly let go with compassion and forgive your wife that you will really start to move forward on your journey.
And when you do that, if your wife looks in your direction, she will see a new Tad. A stronger, wiser, more compassionate, Tad.
Be the man you want to be.
Do it for you and your children.
Now, let's here about the things you want to change and the things you want to try. Good for you for going back to school.
Who cares how your wife looks or what she says? Not you because you're living your life, right?
