I will stick to the DB plan for now. If I feel like venting I will come here first.
Something my friend (the WAW) said in that conversation, that I had last night is bothering me though... She said "When _____ yelled at me, and it did push me out the door. I really wished he fought harder for me I felt he gave up too easily." I will need to talk to her more about that statement today to get more clarity of what she was saying.
I know that if I have to (for whatever reason) I have the other plan to fall back on as a last resort (after all, like Michelle says, if it isn't working try something different). I just am finding it all so painful, as you know. I know the detaching will help.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
one thing about the WAWs, and i dont mean to say anything negative about your friend, is their version of what happened and how they felt seems to always change.
so while now she says she wishes he would have fought harder, then it may have pushed her away. and maybe he was fighting, but she wouldnt let herself see it.
there is a lot of self-justification in their thinking, making lists of how you're wrong, evil, bad, smelly, boring, pushy, cheap, etc etc etc.
one thing that is true, is that for the most part, anything you do for her will be received as wrong and will be held against you.
my x complained i never bought her flowers so i bought her flowers and it was pushy. she complained i never bought her cards so i sent her cards and it was forced. you get the picture.
you can fix everything they said is wrong with you and they'll come up with new problems. eventually they'll find something impossible for you and you're in the same place you started.
at this point, its a crapshoot, your W may want space or may want you to pursue. you'll never know, she'll never tell. but DB says not to.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Is it fair that I have to do the laundry when it's full of my wife's panties and bras...
Talk about salt in an open wound
Then don't do it. Your wife is running away from your marriage; why would you do her laundry?
Starsky
Good point about the laundry, but you risk looking petty & vindictive if this is what you usually do as your household chore...
but if we're talking "fair", geez, look at Africa...I mean in the grand scheme of things...well, never mind. Just DB and carry on.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Should I use the 7 steps for ending my WAW affair?
It's been 6 days now. She has not even approached the subject.
How long do I give her to "think about it"?
Should I force the issue and set my boundaries, which are to end the affair permanently and be accountable or, get out and leave everything behind for the OM?
This living in limbo is not living. I shouldn't have to feel sick to my stomach every time she goes out.
Should I ask her for her decision first? or assume that because she hasn't spoken to me about it, she is just stalling, so that she can continue to live here and get some on the side?
Are the steps different because she is a WAW?
Do the 7 steps ? 1. gather evidence (done) 2. Confront (done) 3. Disclose (partially done in confidence with WAW sister) 4. Exposure 5. Carrot and stick (also known as divorce remedy) (working on it) 7. Legal Separation
This affair sh!t is getting old fast.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
