Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient)

[MadeToSucceed]

I'm new to this so I'm not good with the lingo just yet. I've set up my first coaching phone call for tomorrow morning (Sat, July 9th) with Leni but I wanted to solicit the board also. Here's my story:

I recently turned 27 on May 30th. My wife is 26 and will turn 27 in September. We've been together since college (2004) - roughly about 7 years total - where I played football and she ran track while we were student-athletes at a big time D1 college. Since that time, she has gone on to be a professional track and field athlete that is very successful. She ran in the 2008 Olympics and placed very well in her event and is currently one of the fastest women in the world this year as well. I just work full time and support her in all of her athletic endeavors from managing her website to helping book travel and even going to meets with her. In May 2008 I proposed and in October 2009 we were married and have been married since that time. We've been together for 7 years total but only married for about 21 months as of July.

We had issues prior to and during our marriage but nothing I thought couldn't me resolved or worked through. One of her biggest issues was me having contact with several female friends and she not always knowing about the interaction (strictly through phone conversation or text, never meeting up with them or anything physically inappropriate). I'm not at all excusing my behavior but they were almost all prior to our marriage and my answer was to cut ties with the women all together. Her response was always they would think SHE was insecure and so in turn, she has actually befriended several of these women. My main issue was the fact that our sexual activity seemed so forced when we do have sex, we didn't have sex often at all after getting married and that she fails to communicate with me on issues and expect me to just figure them out. She still holds on to anything that was an issue for her prior to our marriage but has buried them and internalized them to the point where she has bitterness, anger and a loss of respect for me. She will not agree to counseling individually or separate because she thinks she's being judged and that she will be told how she feels or what she is doing is wrong.

We had some serious discussion at the end of last summer and I knew we were in trouble then but she led me to believe that in the months that followed she was past the issues as I made changes and that we were in a good place now. As recently as January 24th she sent me a heart felt video to my email address one morning saying she was happy with the direction of our marriage. On April 10th we sat in my mother's living room jokingly arguing about what we'd name our children. We have no children yet. Everything seemed fine and then all hell broke loose.

On or around April 11th or 12th of this year she became involved with OM who is a player in the NFL, initially through phone conversation and then she started visiting him. I had no idea for about the first week but quickly caught on. One of the women who was a bridesmaid in our wedding (that I've known since 3rd grade and introduced my wife to in college) actually is the one who provided the OM with my wife's contact info and that's how this started. Another woman in our wedding actually drove my wife to the airport to go see the OM one time during this ordeal. My W stopped wearing her wedding rings about 2 weeks into this ordeal but would travel with them everywhere by keeping them in a box in her purse. Right around that same time he told her that he loves her and she told him the same. OM has 6 children by several different women but is not married. I know several people who know him personally and they all say this is what he does but she doesn't see that because he's introduced her to some of his family and kids.

Since April she has visited him at his home in Florida at least 5 different weekends, has spent time with him at one of her track meets one weekend in Philadelphia, another weekend in New York, another in Vegas and even spent time with him in Ft. Worth for a few days (we live in Dallas so he was basically in our "backyard"). She has not been at home on the weekend for 13 straight weekends since this began. She either is competing or with him in Florida.

She filed for divorce on May 11th and then eventually hired a lawyer on June 11th after she found out I took money out of one of our accounts (when I realized she was starting to close other accounts and cut me off from access to them and when she had the locks changed at our house, I panicked and took money out of an account just in case it got even worse...and it eventually did...had I not done so, I wouldn't have been able to hire a lawyer after she did). We had a hearing in court on June 30th and are currently scheduled to meet with a mediator in September to discuss terms of the dissolving of our marriage and dividing of our estate.

During this time she has also been communicating with ANOTHER OM (OM#2) that is in the NFL and she even told him that she loved him and he responded saying he loved her too. They have not spent time together other than when they met in Las Vegas and even then that time was somewhat limited because she was in Vegas with 2 girlfriends. She and OM#2 communicate via phone and skype only. She has indicated that she's confused and feels lost and has no peace and says she just wants to be happy and loved the way she deserves to be loved and that shes created a mess. She says she doesnt want to hurt anyone but realizes she is and is just all mixed up. She feels like since she didn't speak up on her feelings before, now that she has she has to carry the divorce all the way through. She says too many people know, too many things have happened and that she's not the same person anymore, isn't in love with me anymore and just doesn't want this situation. She even uses me taking the money as a reason for why she can't turn back now.

I've been doing everything I can to fight it and from reading through some of the online forums on the site, some things I've done wrong and some I've done right. I've attempted to confront her both passively and aggressively, I've told her parents and sister of what was going on and even some friends in a flat out cry for help but to no avail. I've become consumed with this. I've tried doing nothing at times. I've tried flowers and cooking dinner. I was staying else where for a period of time, I've stayed at home for periods of time. We haven't had sex together since March 13th. She only admits to having sex with him once but will not speak on any of the details beyond that one time (which was basically 10 days after they got involved). I have her passwords (she doesn't know that) and so I was checking phone records and emails and facebook and twitter and everything looking to see what she is doing up until about two days ago when I discovered this site. She's indicated she feels backed into a corner and that I told too many people and she believes my reasoning for doing so was to hurt her and make her look bad. In reality, all I did was try to understand what was going on because two of the women who were in our wedding actually helped facilitate some of what she has been doing with the OM...basically one thing after another is what I perceive to be a "reason" why she says she can't come back. She's indicated she loves him and he loves her and during this process has occasionally given me the impression she is considering us reconciling (to the point where last Thursday after our court hearing we had a long talk and she actually said "it would be great if when we get to the mediator we were able to say thanks for coming but we don't need you all anymore") but then snatches that hope away by other actions. She is now in Europe until August (she left on July 6th) competing and then will be home for 10 days before going right back around August 17th. We communicate by phone and text and things have been more pleasant but this entire thing has consumed me and I never know what to expect next.

I've lost almost 30 pounds during these 3 months, have trouble eating and sleeping, can't find pleasure in many everyday things because we did so much together all the time and have basically been a complete wreck. I am going to Bible Study on Wednesdays, a professional counselor at church on Thursdays and church on Sundays in an effort to get further rooted in my relationship with God so that no matter what, I will be ok.

I know I've written a lot but that is only the cliff notes version. I've always been a person of faith but have gotten much, much closer to God during this ordeal so it is very important to me that I adhere to what His word says.

I know that I wasn't always the best husband but after reading the 5 Love Languages and studying a great deal in the Bible I have a much better insight as to how we can do things the right way. I don't take the full blame and I don't place it all on her either. That being said, nothing excuses how she's handled this. Essentially, she never wanted to address the issues she held inside and just felt like getting married would fix them. We prayed individually but not always together and so there are many things that I didn't do on my end to uphold the "head of the household" role a man is supposed to be.

But as I said before I am a man of faith and in my vows I said for better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. Not only did I commit to my wife but I also entered a covenant with God and I KNOW that we can overcome this but I also know she has to be willing to do so as well. I'm not sure how much hope there is in my situation but I am still going to "fight" until the end. I just need help. My faith leads me to hold on but my mind (and even others) tell me to move on. I just can't yet. I will not be the one to give in to a divorce. Is there hope? Am I completely at a loss here?