All good points, and all worthy of consideration. This is why I seek the feedback from those on this board.
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Are you the same person you were six months ago? I suspect not. Do you think that you have done enough of the work on yourself?
I most definitely am not the same person. I was a workaholic, never saw my kids during the weekend days. Now I never work weekends, and focus on having fun with kids and friends. I am much more positive with those around me, less judgemental and critical. This has been a very humbling experience. I am a work in progress that will never be finished, but I am happy (not satisfied) with my progress to date. I really don't know who I will be one year from now, but would like to look myself in the mirror with as few regrets as possible. Hence, the apprehension about the date.
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Man to man… “female companionship”….honestly dude. Why not just go out with a bunch of guys?
Think you answered your own question shortly after that. Yes, some of your words do sting with a hint of the truth. Yes, I do want to know I am still desirable. But more than that, I am lonely for the kind time one spends with a woman (and I am not talking sex). Sorry, but my dog and my pals are not the same. Even though I'm sure you are quite fetching, I've got enough pals at present! :-)
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At this time, my W definitely seems to be sorting things out
The answer was in my previous post:
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For the last 2 months, she has become much more pensive and introspective, and seeks time alone.
I sense she is entering her depression / withdrawal phase. Could be wrong, but the signs and her behavior would point to this. And before you critique this, understand I am not trying to figure her out, nor trying to track if and when she may "snap out of it". I am just an interested observer. She is slowly figuring out who she wants to become. I seem to be mirroring her stages of MLC in much the same way (though without the affair). Honestly, I don't see this date as cheating on anyone. W and I are not together, no wedding rings, minimal communication, and she and I have new lives. We shall see how it goes, and I won't be surprised either way it turns out.
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Is this something that you really need right now? What are your true reasons for going out on the date? Pssst….one last point….deep down inside I wanted my STBXW to know…I wanted her to find out…I was…hoping…no…praying….that this would be the wake up call that she needed. Guess what? I didn’t work and when it didn’t I was still vulnerable, lonely and remorseful. In the end, people got hurt. Hurt that could have been avoided had I just been……..
Very valid points, although absolutely I hold no illusions about her "snapping out of it / waking up". For months now I've held the standard. Been the kind of upstanding adult and parent that my children can look up to. My conscience is clear at present. The "date" is a fork in the road. Which way should I go? I sought out this date, no different that my W sought out her affair. Both did not "just happen". Yet now I don't know which way I will go. You see, I am also becoming a different person, beyond just working on GAL. I question how much I still love my wife because I realize I am in love with someone who does not really exist anymore.
One story I do recall from the DR book. This gal got fed up with her H after 10 months of separation, filed for D, then told the H about all her hurt and pain. Turns out, H had just then been thinking of coming back home, but crawled back in the tunnel after this display. They did get back together after a year though after she backed off again. The point is that it is best to keep all interactions positive. Further, we cannot know what our spouse is thinking or feeling. This is why "the date" carries such risk. What if she is nearing a fork in the road herself, yet I decide to veer right, just as she veers left?
I just don't know what I'm going to do yet Eric. Part of the idea of going out on a date is to just explore life, to feel wanted in the presence of an attractive woman. Make her laugh. Enjoy the conversation. However, will the expereience just result in guilt? Self-loathing? More pain? Or will I be happier as I continue to move on toward another life? Your experiences are a huge warning sign to me, and I am closely listening to what you say to me.
