option #1: she moves home to help raise the children and continues to have her separate private life. Nothing changes between us, we are still separated and she gets nothing from me.
i am getting the picture, thanks for the visual guys. Will be hard as hell.
I had a conversation with wife today on the phone. She called to talk. I backslide again and asked her why she was coming home? was it just for the kids, for us, or was she just afraid to lose me totally by selling the house and me going my separate way.
She replied that she loved me still and that her reasons for coming home are to save the house and be with the kids, she hopes that we can repair our lives and work this out. She says that when she moves home, she will not be with OM, she just cant commit to us until she has gotten over that relationship and gotten some coun. for herself.
I know i shouldnt have gotten into all that, but you guys are making me step back and look at the big picture.
No there's nothing wrong with being honest and upfront with her. She was being honest with you which is a good thing. It also showed that you are establishing a boundary with her. Boundaries at this stage are good.
She will push and prod to test the limits of your boundary, but as long as you stand strong she will start to respect you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
so it has been crazy here, why is it that every soccer field you go to has no trees and you get to sit in the dam heat and sun for 2+ hours a day?
the big surprise is that the wife has been at the house every day this week and gone to every game. She brought steak home today for tomorrow, and she actually remembered my birthday this year.
She asked me to pick her up early in the afternoon so she can get a jump on supper before soccer. So not only did she remember, she brought the ingredients for my bday dinner and she wants to be at the house early to prepare it.
Im in shock still. While i drove her to OM house tonight, i mentioned i really hate driving there. Her reply was in 2 days, i will never have to come to OM house ever again.
The lonely drive home was tough. I am having mixed feelings about this weekend. What if i cant do this, what if its just to much to repair and get over? I cant put my kids through losing their mom again.
It's quite obvious what her main reason for coming home is. It broke her heart that she has lost that connection with her children.
Can people really make a marriage work when the main reason is their children?
picked her up this afternoon, she sat in the passenger seat and said nothing. I tried to engage her on the drive home, she wouldnt talk at all. At one point i looked over and she was crying.
I asked her if she was alright, she said no and that was it.
I turned up the music and let her be. What else could i have done?
picked her up this afternoon, she sat in the passenger seat and said nothing. I tried to engage her on the drive home, she wouldnt talk at all. At one point i looked over and she was crying.
I asked her if she was alright, she said no and that was it.
I turned up the music and let her be. What else could i have done?
Nothing, Tank. In fact, you shouldn't have even asked her if she's alright. It's rescuing behavior, IMHO, and she plays the "poor poor me" martyr thing to suck you into her drama.
There wasn't anything wrong with you asking her if she was alright. It's not rescuing. Rescuing is when you actually go and do something out of the way to make her feel better.
You just showed her that you were there for her IF she wanted it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
well starsky, i believe she is remorseful a little. She has apologized for what has happened. I also believe that her feelings about OM are real to her. I have to agree that this is a very tough decision for her at this stage. It doesnt matter if i agree with her or not. She knows that i respect her feelings, but i really dont give a sh@* about her feelings for OM. its a mutual arrangement.
As for her crying, she wasnt sobing and making a big show of it, she was sitting with her sunglasses on and the tears were just running down her face. No sobs, no look at poor me.
I have feelings for her, i still love my wife and i do want to make sure she is ok. I didnt display rescueing behaviour, i asked her if she was alright. Simple and straight forward. I didnt offer her my assistance, i didnt try to make her feel better. I asked a question, she answered and that was it, i listened to som metallica and drove home.
