she resonded with option #1 for now. She wont commit to the marriage. She will always love me, but she doesnt know if we can ever work things out.
So i have a long trek ahead of me. But at least she isnt saying "we are finished and there isnt a chance."
Once she is around everyday, with the changes ihave made, with the family support, you never know.
Now, i told her that she is still responsible for her own way to and from the visits. Boy did she flip out. She kinda nailed me with it too. "this is your idea for keeping our private lives private, OM is my only way to get there and we have decided not to have him near the kids".
Thankfully s13 and s15 were at my mom and dads, so they picked her up and brought her to soccer and drove her home.
[/quote]Now, i told her that she is still responsible for her own way to and from the visits. Boy did she flip out. She kinda nailed me with it too. "this is your idea for keeping our private lives private, OM is my only way to get there and we have decided not to have him near the kids".
Wow. Interesting. Are there no buses or taxis, or any other way she could catch a ride where you live? Sure it's inconvienent, but.... From my perspective which may not be the proper DB'ing one, that's her problem, not yours.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Now, i told her that she is still responsible for her own way to and from the visits. Boy did she flip out. She kinda nailed me with it too. "this is your idea for keeping our private lives private, OM is my only way to get there and we have decided not to have him near the kids".
Wow. Interesting. Are there no buses or taxis, or any other way she could catch a ride where you live? Sure it's inconvienent, but.... From my perspective which may not be the proper DB'ing one, that's her problem, not yours.
well, when she choice our house, she picked it in a little town about 20 miles from the city we both work in. Its about a 30 min. drive to the city and then 20 to 30 mins more to OM house. So there is no bus that she can take. I wish there was.
I have until next week to deal with it. My parents said they would help me out as they want to see the kids soccer games. So i think it might work out for her.
Starsky, You seem to me that you feel i am handling this wrong. How would you handle this? I see her coming home as a positive thing. More time to db and show off the new me.
Starsky, You seem to me that you feel i am handling this wrong. How would you handle this? I see her coming home as a positive thing. More time to db and show off the new me.
I would have told her "I value myself too much to share my wife with another man," and then I would have stuck to my guns. But that's just me.
I think you put WAY too much stock on "her coming home." I think it enables her irresponsible behavior.
How does it enable her? It will be very hard at this stage for her. She has to find a job in the town we live in. She will be contributing to raising her children on a daily basis, and she will not get her license back as long as we are still legally separated and she owes me child support.
She will have very limited resources and her coming home is huge for my children.
You dont feel that her bing here will help the situation?
You dont feel that her bing here will help the situation?
Only if she is there for the right reasons...both yours and hers.
Getting them back at any cost, isn't usually worth the cost.
If you have dettached without her around, how are you going to feel if she comes back but can still see the OM? And she comes home at...4 am? Or not until the following day?
It might be huge for the kids, but weigh in stability...real stablity into the equation.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
If you have dettached without her around, how are you going to feel if she comes back but can still see the OM? And she comes home at...4 am? Or not until the following day?
Or, seeing her get all dolled up in a short, low-cut dress and new sexy lingerie underneath, for a date with OM?
I'm not trying to be cruel, Tank, but this is what you're going to be in for under Option #1, and it's no way to live.
