SC, I wanted to share something with you about trust, if I may.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother. She was neglectful, abusive, negative. I woke up each day praying. I prayed that that was the day my mother quit drinking. I prayed that that was the day that she would be the "nice" mother. I prayed that she would love me the way a mother should.
Each and every day of my life growing up, how my mother was that day, dictated what kind of day I would have.
I spent each day trying to be perfect because I thought that would make her stop drinking. I spent each day being as quiet as I could. I did everything I could to make her like me.
None of it worked. I know now why, of course. But back then, I didnt.
So, imagine a little girl waking up and seeing your mother passed out on the floor. Imagine a little girl listening to her mother scream at her for hours on end. Imagine making your bed and having your mother rip all the blankets off and redoing it and being told that you couldnt do anything right.
I could go on and on. Imagine the worst and add ten times more to it. That was my life.
I tell you this because I, too, never learned how to trust. I learned how to always expect the worst.
But, I knew that if I was to have a shot at a healthy marriage, I had to trust my h. And so I worked hard and I learned to trust him.
Then MLC hit and the affair and the money and all the other things he did to blew that trust out of the water.
You would think that I would never trust anyone again. Here's the thing. I do. I trust me.
I now know that it may happen again. Me trusting and getting hurt. But I also know that I will survive it.
I am not going to lie. I still have a hard time letting people in. It takes a lot for me to trust someone. It takes a lot for me to be vulnerable enough to let someone get close.
But I do. It is a choice I make. I do not want my world to be one in which I put up walls or armour out of fear. That is not living.
So, I may get hurt again. But, I will be ok. I am stronger. I can handle it.
Dont live your life being afraid of being hurt. You will miss out on so many things.
