I just started reading DR last night and read about 60 pages before it started getting too late to continue. I'm at work now but plan on staying in and reading some more tonight.
I don't want my marriage to end. I love her very much. I have been going to counseling every week for about 2 months now (and a couple before that but I didn't like the counselor so I found a new one). She was the one who only went to two counseling sessions with me before she called it quits. I can't force her to go.
I am not happy with the idea of separation but things at home are bad. Neither one of us is happy and she continues to be hot/cold all the time. I don't want to go... at all. The thought of it tears me up inside. It's my home too and I will miss everything associated with it. I've put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into that place, literally and figuratively.
I've been trying to GAL. I don't have many friends because I was so much into my wife for as long as we've been together. I made my life all about her and not very much about me, which was a huge mistake. I've been slowly rebuilding my friend base and finding things that interest me... but it's been slow. Good friends are not easy to come by for me. I've spent a lot of time on the house in the last few years and I've turned down a lot of social invites to work on the house. It's coming back to bite me now. But, I'm working on it. I'm working on a list of things that I would like to do for me and I'm going to follow through with those.
In case you're wondering why I agreed to move out of the house instead of insisting that she leave, it's because she bought the place before we were married, it's been in her family for a long time, and it's in her name. Where I live, I only have legal rights in the case of a divorce to money that I've put into the house (improvements, labor, and if it sold for a profit... it won't). We haven't been married very long and that will play into any legal decisions as well... meaning that I won't get much of anything and I won't be liable for much of anything either. Also, I know I couldn't afford to live in that house with my income alone. I don't know how the W is planning on affording it herself. So, if she insists we have to separate, then after months of talking about it, I decided it might be best to move out.
In a way, I have been doing a 180. Any time we would have a disagreement, I would defer to her. That's no longer the case. While I don't actively seek out conflict with her, I don't always defer. I have also backed off. I don't follow her through the house trying to force conversation or R talks. I don't call her unless it's to talk about business and I don't text either. I don't tell her I love her and haven't for months, although that used to be something I did often even though she wouldn't say it back. I hardly ever send her any emails (1 or 2 a week) and they generally are not social communications). When I do see her, I try to be upbeat and excited for whatever she's doing, but I don't invest time in trying too hard to be with her. I don't know if these are the right things to do but it's what I've been doing. I don't know if they're working. I think I have noticed some more attention from her when we're together and our conversations don't seem to be as awkward as they were.
Like I mentioned, I'm reading DR and I'm really going to dive into it tonight. She won't be home until late and I should be able to read without many distractions.
Last night was rough for me. She told me point blank that she was "staying at a friend's house" for the night and wouldn't give me any details about who or what they were doing. She looked really good when she left. My reaction was to tell her to have a good time and I tried to come off like it didn't really matter to me what she did, but friendly and supportive. It was tough. I hated last night. I couldn't stop thinking about who she was with or where she was. I didn't text or call her but I was burning with jealousy. This re-kindles my feelings that there has to be a OM even though I just posted yesterday that I was sure there wasn't. Even if there is, I can't control what she thinks or does. What can I do?
