Had a talk tonight after MC. I asked how he can say he's "trying" to work on our relationship when he's constantly hiding from me - upstairs when I'm in the office, in the office when I'm in the bedroom, basically no interaction with me at all.
He agreed he had been hiding, and it's because it's too hard to be around me - I'm always sad, I make him feel sad this is honest,^^^ albeit painful information to hear. Just b/c someone believes something to be true now, doesn't mean it is, OR that it won't change. But you have to accept that it's how he thinks he feels.
Let him have his space in a way that does NOT feel like hiding. And since you know your sadness isn't drawing him in
do something different...like Not being sad in front of him. Fake it til you make it, can work better than you know.
He said he can't get over the past, and now the MC is saying regardless of what happens with us, he personally needs to find a way to come to terms with it - that seemed to hit him. No one can be happy if they hold onto their past' painful experiences. Happiness requires letting go of grudges and the "internal list of grievances" we all had at one point. We do this for US, not them.
- I don't want to be with someone who has given up on me. I don't want to talk about the marriage, the relationship, any of it - it's too much stress, it makes us miserable.
Then by all means STOP the R talk and don't initiate at all....period. If HE brings it up, veer off topic to more neutral subjects. the news won't be good if you "talk it out" at this point.
I told him I want to work on just being friends. Continuing to see the MC and trying to have a friendship - regardless of what happens, we need that, if only for our son. That seemed to make him feel better Then you know this helps things. You are trying to get him to just be comfortable around you. Lose the grief (in front of him at least...we know it's ACTING and many of us deserve Oscars...so be it)
Keep doing what works, b/c that's the essence of DBing...not reviewing the past and wondering what it is with HIM or what HE is thinking of...but doing what works! And NOT doing what doesn't work.
focus on you. YOU are all you can control and as long as you keep that hammering in your head, well, I think that where the head goes, the heart will, eventually, follow.
Fake it til you make it and at some point you'll be happy, for real.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
