I am the devil....

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone. Today has been the roughest day I've had in a while. Is that normal to backslide like this?

Sometimes I feel like just giving up.

Kids are fine, but they seem to really despise her sometimes. I can tell just by comments that they make.

I am working towards getting a new place, but of course I can't do that until I get an income. Still looking for a job. I adopted a cat this week too. I've never been much of a cat person, but I've noticed that I like them more the older I get. I've also decided to go back to school. It has to wait until Spring though. I have to get my life in order first.

Am I an idiot for saying that I forgive her? That I love her and would take her back?

Why is she so frickin' DONE? I just don't get it.

From what I can tell, she has been in Replay mode for about a year now. How long does this sh!t last?

THE BIG QUESTION IS....

Why does it seem like when we do have a decent interaction, she seems to pull further away? Shouldn't it work the other way around?

I can't believe that she could love me so much and now thinks that I am so terribe.

S16 was telling me that in her office at work, she has a picture frame with about 6 pictures in it. I am in one of them. Of course, there is a post it note over my picture so she doesn't have to see me.

Get the 2x4's.........

I did something today that I shouldn't have.

I checked out her FB page. She has new pictures up of a barbecue she went to on July 4th. I did a double take when I saw a picture of her. It didn't even look like her. S18 saw it and said at first he thought she "looked like something out of a horror movie." No kidding. Those were his exact words.

Know what hurt me the most though? She finally removed my pictures. All pictures of me are gone and the entire album of a vacation we took are also gone. I guess she really is done.

Now I know what you are going to tell me. "Let go Tad." I know. I really do. I'm not letting go enough.

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me for still feeling the way I do. I thought this would be easier.

I feel like I am going in circles. Screw the rollercoaster....I am on a merry-go-round.

Sometimes I just want to give up.

Not a good day at all.

Tad