Starsky, You seem to me that you feel i am handling this wrong. How would you handle this? I see her coming home as a positive thing. More time to db and show off the new me.
I would have told her "I value myself too much to share my wife with another man," and then I would have stuck to my guns. But that's just me.
I think you put WAY too much stock on "her coming home." I think it enables her irresponsible behavior.
