Some of what I see? I see that you are paying too close attention to her. Understandable, but counterproductive. Jack was right when he pointes out (yes, I sometimes wonder if the sky will fall when I agree with Jack (just kidding)) that you don't have any way to know what it "means". So let me add to that: it means something happened in a point in time. At that moment, she felt like doing something and did it. Did she change? Not really. She is still doing what she feels at that moment. And that feeling can and likely will change again. And again. And again.
The best advice you received? Let go. When you are both free of the pain (remember you are radioactive to her) things can be different. Until then, you can only worry about you and boys.
As for the job? I beg to differ. In that 23 years, you did something you enjoyed. But you learned many things along the way. You aren't seeing it at the moment and you may be feeling overwhelmed by the terms and job app process and rejection. It happens. My advice for that? Pick something you want to do and work towards it. Remember what it was like to work towards a goal and not be deterred? Find that again. If you are unsure what that is, then explore different things until you find what you like. It's fun if you change your mind set
Hang in there Tad. I know from experience that changes in the spouse can cause you to reel. Spin. That's an indication you are not letting go enough. You need to. Really. Believe me, if you do not, it will tear you up worse than before.
You are radioactive to her. Let her do what she needs to do without your oversight. Let go and just leave things to be how they turn out. Be ok with the results any which way they turn out and when they turn out. It's not easy, but it is worth it.
Take care and let us know how the kids are and what you are working towards.
Good to hear from you
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
