And yet, he feels guilt (thank God, otherwise I would consider him beyond redemption) for what he has done to you (in more ways than just his recent departure).
You have an incredible support system already in place on this board. Use it and listen to it. Don't allow yourself to travel into those emotional dark places without reaching out.
There is a bright road still in front of you. It is sometimes slow going, but it is right there just in front of you. Celebrate your victories and accomplishments, because you deserve them.
Wean yourself from this man. Right now he is nothing but tainted food to you - it looks good, you remember enjoying it many times before, but it leaves you terribly sick inside.
I agree with the others who have predicted a painful crash at some point in this "new" relationship.
But that doesn't matter and it's certainly not important.
Your new life is what matters right now.
You have accomplished alot, but there are still things to do. A support system here is fantastic, but don't hesitate to allow yourself to begin finding new friends where you are. You've apparently not done much of that, and it can be awkward at first, but it will be emmensely satisfying when it happens.
Chin up.
You can and will make a fantastic life for yourself. Let the question of any future with this man take care of itself with time. Use the time you have now to reclaim the things you have missed in your life. Become the person you have dreamed about being.
Put everything negative away - and yes, that means even your parents if they cannot rise to the occasion.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
