I'm gonna vent now. Your bluntness was too callous. I am in my angry stage of grief...
I'll get my anger out here instead of to my W.
In the first place, I was just asking a question.
I was trying to understand what she is going through.
At dinner, I am polite, not looking at her constantly. Laughing with the kids and her. I deserved an Academy Award.
Let's be clear here. Yes, I am unsure of how to act around her now. SHE HAD AN AFFAIR. SHE DESTROYED ALL MY TRUST IN HER. I have had 4 days to try to understand why this has happened and how to deal with it. I can't eat, I can't sleep. She has not apologized for her actions, and she lied to me about it repeatedly until she was caught red handed. I am DEEPLY hurt. She is hurting too right now. Until she makes a decision for or against the marriage by ending her affair, I will be paralyzed every time she goes out (that is normal for a betrayed spouse) and she is uncertain about what she will do now (her forbidden excitement has lost it's shine).
If I was obsessive, I would not be going dark, I would be in her face. I would be talking about feelings with her, not posting them here. I concidered my wife my best friend until she betrayed me. I have been an honest hard working loyal and loving husband and father. Sure I have faults, who dosent, but there are other factors at play here (which I have discussed In my previous posts) which have contributed to her dissatisfaction as well. I am not the one who chose to leave because things were not easy. If that was the case I wouldn't be putting myself through this hell, and believe me, it's HELL. It would be much easier for me to throw her out of the house. But I do love her dispute what she has done, and yeah I think I can forgive her, if she affords me an opportunity, if she could show remorse. I deserve at least that.
I am working on forgiveness, but that is tough when she shows no remorse for her actions, never has... Never admits when she is wrong either. Never asks for forgiveness either. You can only be used as a doormat for so long, and then it becomes abuse. I am doing my best to keep it together. I am starting to think my physician and was right. It's time to stand up for myself and set my boundaries, which she violated greviously. Maybe I should give her my expectations if she can't be respectful to me.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
