New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[AloneAt35]

Thanks Tank and MrBond,

Its good to know that it was okay for me to stand my ground on not having Ex-P pick up more things earlier this week. I needed the night to myself even though it was lonely.

Yesterday he sent me two emails...totally inane things. Today I briefly responded to one of them letting him know I appreciated the information. I also told him that I would keep his dad in my thoughts during his surgery this weekend, which Ex-P will be traveling to attend, and I wished him safe travels.

A few minutes later the phone rang. It was Ex-P saying he got my email. He started the conversation by telling me he had checked the weather report and he was worried I would be riding my bike in the rain tomorrow. He said he felt guilty about it and asked if I would like him to come by in the morning and give me a ride to work. Ex-P now lives about 45 minutes away from me so that was a fairly shocking offer since I'm not exactly in the neighborhood. I said, "No thanks, don't be silly! Its too far and I won't melt!" He said dropping by would be on his way to his parents' house (which is six hours further away), so that is the reason he offered.

We then started small-talking, which was fine, but the conversation soon went south.

Ex-P casually told me that his mother was packing some of my personal items that I always left at her house for him to bring back to me (we visited a couple of times a year so I had a drawer full of things like PJs, a bathing suit, toiletries, etc.). Hearing this was like a knife in the gut...it reminded me that these people whom I love are no longer my 'family' after 20 years.

He then talked about some items he was still wanting to get from our house. One item was something he formerly said I could keep. I reminded him of that and he concurred and said, "Well, OW is bringing one when she moves in anyway." [Another knife in the gut.]

He then mentioned some fix-ups he is doing on his new house with OW's child in mind [More knives in the gut.] (Yes, this is the same child that he's met exactly once, which OW denied was even her chid...I will never get over that one.)

So basically, what started out as hopeful conversation (the fact that he's basically been in contact with me every day for a week, the fact that in that week he's twice suggested scenarios in which he can have the opportunity to see me, the fact that he checks the weather with me in mind...) basically just turned into one long reminder from him that he is with OW now, and I am OUT of the family and OUT of his life.

I certainly appreciate that there has been a recent 'thaw' in our friendship, but how can the same man that offers to drive 45 minutes early in the morning before he has to drive six hours to sit in a hospital just so I don't get rained on TURN AROUND and immediately talk about how excited he is that OW is coming to live with him? (Just so you know, I no longer respond to any mentions of OW. I simply go silent.)

Is he just being nice because he is suffering from extreme guilt? Is he trying to manipulate me somehow? Does he really think that OW would appreciate his offers of assistance to me? Am I reading too much into this and is his behavior normal?...In other words, can exes really be "friends" like this? But MOST importantly, is it productive to DBing?

I have been in LRT (with only a few missteps) for three months now: never instigating contact, not replying to every message, almost always remaining upbeat, NEVER any relationship talk, demonstrating almost total independence (a huge hurdle for me), looking extra-good when we see each other, showing that I am moving on and WILL BE OKAY without him, diffusing tensions with reflective listening...you get the idea.

Yet, even though Ex-P is being extremely 'nice' to me, things with OW are as "on" as ever. I'd pull back more but I am not sure that I can/should. I am 'dim'...do I go dark? Do I let this 'friendship' between Ex-P and I go on as long as it lasts even though my life is still being torn apart by this man? Is this good DBing or am I being a sucker? Am I just confirming in his mind that all we ever were 'was friends' anyway, as he insultingly suggested when he decided to go be with OW?

Yikes, so many questions. I don't expect answers, but if anyone has any, I'd be so appreciative.