I was here ages ago before, during, after the breakup. I did apply DB to the best I could. And it helped... me. But not "us". There was a time a few months into the split that I felt slightly encouraged and I suggested we get together for a drink or a meal out. But my ex admitted then that despite having strong feelings for me, he was resolved to continue on separate paths. He declined an opportunity to meet with me because he thought I would manage to manipulate his feelings and cause him to waiver in his resolve. Sad. Little else I could do but respect his wishes and move my life along without him. Which I have done. It's been 2.5 years since finalized. We had a pleasant short conversation when I ran into him a year ago. Otherwise zero contact. I have gotten through the worst of it. I am happy. I am busy. I am fine. I am single. And I am still missing him every day. sigh... Last week I spotted him on the road. Just briefly, his car really - didn't actually SEE him. But it caused emotions that sit under a lot of scar tissue to tingle. This morning I sent him a short text. Just a friendly hope all is well in your world type of thing. Told him I'm happy and well. Didn't expect him to reply. But he did. !!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!! He said he's very pleased to hear from me and to know I am good. Wishes me all the best. Only a few sentences more. But I am blown away. I realize I may be making a big deal of nothing. Is this a potential crack in his resolve? Well of course you don't know. But if I am going to presume it's a potential tiny opening.... How do I respond? Leave it for a while and then casually reply that it was good to hear back? Perhaps ask some questions that may encourage him to answer and help establish a repore? I don't know how to proceed. I am rusty at dbing, lol. I did know not to send an instant reply. It's been 3 hours and I'm trying to decide if and when I should say any more. I only know that when we were together, when we broke up, and even years later I love him. And I know he loved me. If he still does, then there is hope that we can work it out. So.. I hate to turn up here asking for a crystal ball reading. But I would love feedback. Do I need a slap and a cold shower? Can I take one more baby step and see what happens? What to do? Thanks for the read, I know the wonderful supportive community that was here when I needed it. This site was a lifesaver. Now I'm back for anyone's 2 cents.
Forcing something to happen. mmmm. Just what he feared I would do a couple years ago when I suggested a get together. I wouldn't want him to think I was trying to manipulate anything.
Yet this brief exchange could just fade away and be nothing if I don't do... I don't know what! (still grappling with the lack of control in the sitch) After all this time it's the only wee morsel I have had. I hate to squander it if there's any chance it could become an actual meal. This guy is stubborn, has an enormous issue with pride. He was hurt and angry, and would loathe showing he made mistake in front of family and friends. He's very unlikely to toss me another ball on his own. When he left he said he was going to focus on other things and that if we were to be together, it wouldn't be for a long time. I didn't want to hear that then, and regret not asking him to explain that. Cuz I still think about it and still wonder how long is the "long time".
Absolutely shouldn't try to shape this. I guess it just is whatever it is. I will try to calm myself.
For some reason, I still see us together. I know we could do better. I know we could be good again.
P.s. I probably sound like a kid. fyi, I am in my early 50's. But it is shaping up to be my most enduring love.
I am not an experienced Divorce Buster, but I wanted to offer an alternate opinion.
You really have nothing to lose by texting back after a decent interval of time (though realize it may very well NOT go the way you hope).
So long as your text is brief, informal, upbeat, and not pushing for a meeting or continued contact, what could it hurt? There is no relationship at this point, so there is nothing to jeopardize except your heart and your pride (and you seem somewhat willing to take that risk).
The only thing you risk is another rejection if he does not reply back.
Just my two cents.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
Good point Alone. What do I have to lose indeed! All I needed was the smallest encouragement, hehehe. Brief. I won't give any reason for him to feel he needs to reply. But rather just acknowledge his message. Then see if he does anything. At the very least, we now know we wish each other well.
Last year when I bumped into him he seemed very happy to see me. We had a short convo and I drove off. He called a moment later and suggested I come back. At first I wasn't going to, but then I did circle back around, but alas he was gone by then. I've thought about that day - I think he wanted to talk more and just didn't know how to say he wanted that. I might've texted him then. But I decided if it was destined, I would run into him again & left it to chance. I was so dang sure I would see him again. 13 months and zero chances. Destiny does not seem to be helping me. I live a happy and full life. Although I wish he were a part of it, I am strong enough to accept that he isn't. Neither my heart nor my pride are in danger of being shattered. Maybe it will hurt a bit, but a few bruises I can manage. At this point it seems a small risk to take.
aaah. Bum. I sent a brief message this morning. No reply. Sigh. I didn't write anything he would feel a need to reply to. The idea being if he did reply it would be because he wanted to engage in a conversation. Since 10 hours passed, it's safe to presume he would rather not.
I'm not much worse off for trying. A couple tears. I'm not too torn up. I will just keep on keeping on. And we keep on moving and we don't stop...
Well well well. Surprise! Be careful what you wish for... This afternoon he sent me a long text. About his son, his work, his family. How he is trying to make time to enjoy the summer. He thanked me for all the time and attention I gave his son and that he appreciated it and wanted me to know how much that meant to him. He said I did more with him than the Mom ever has and that he credits most of what the boy knows to me. Wowza. He asked nothing. He suggested nothing. It may actually mean NOTHING. But then again, this could be a bit of life left in this relationship.
This guy never put me through a roller coaster like the typical experience. I'm not about to jump on that ride now. I feel mildly encouraged. So if brief, upbeat, non-leading messages lead him to engage in some small talk. Then I should stick with what worked? Keep him hanging a day or two? Take another step further onto the limb? I may have to reread the books because I believe this is a thread of hope. Not exaggerating it, it's just a thread. I will def resist the urge to admit how I feel about him. There's sooooo much I want to say to him. I've missed our friendship, my everyday best pal. Miss that terribly. I really appreciate any advice or recommendations. I will not be purely a "taker". When I get a chance I will do some reading and give back to this community.
