Can My Marriage Be Saved?

[jbnati]

My W does not appear to have found a soft place to land. It doesn't necessarily appear to be a hard place, either. It appears she felt she needed space and independence and getting out of the house was the solution to her problems.

[a girl]

Thanks for the input - it's just so unnerving, and he's engaging in some behaviour that makes my alarms go off, but obviously I'm a little emotionally upset right now so it's hard to trust those alarms.

[a girl]

Not having a great day. Hard time with everything. Looking forward to it being over.

[tank]

hang in there agirl.

What kind of behaviour is setting off your alarms? if you dont mind sharing.

Did you ever get to buy that dress yet? might be a good time to stay out later than normal and come home wearing it and looking like a million bucks!

[a girl]

Well, as mentioned in my initial post, at the end of May I got "I love you but I'm not in love with you", "I no longer have romantic feelings for you", "I haven't had feelings for you in years", etc.

I wondered about an affair, but no evidence at all - no unaccounted for time, anything.

But he has started a diet/exercise program (diet in January, exercise in early May), and he plays a game called Warcraft and he joined a new "guild" in early May as well. There's a girl there he talks to a lot, but she's married to one of the other people in their "guild".

I asked about her and he said no, they're just friends, nothing going on.

The last 3 weeks or so (since about a week after the bomb), he spends most of his time on his laptop (instead of his home computer). I have no way of accessing his laptop. He said he just prefers to be alone in the living room because being around me is awkward, and also his desk has been making his back hurt. He only plays on his computer on "raid" nights so that he can be on "vent" (a computer voice chat program they use to talk during events).

I can't decide if I'm crazy and making a mountain out of nothing - just casting around looking for some reason other than he's fallen out of love with me? Help? Thoughts? Advice?

[jbnati]

a girl - if he was having an A, how would this change your DB strategy?

Don't focus on whether or not he is having an A. He is going to do what's he going to do - you don't have control. Continue to work on what you CAN control. Work on your GAL. Create some mystery.

[Very Confused]

agirl,

I can relate to trying to find a reason why WAS has fallen out of love. When the bomb was dropped, I was snooping every second I was awake..and I never found a thing. It wasn't until I took a long hard look in the mirror that I realized how badly I had treated my H and caused him to feel unloved and unappreciated. He even told me that he felt more love coming from our cat than he did from me. OUCH. And you know what? He was right. I could practically see my footprint on his back, kicking him out the door.

I'm not implying that you are the reason this is happening, but that I can relate to looking for a reason, any reason, that he is behaving this way. Including trying to find OW. The best thing that he ever did was change all of his passwords. It is so freeing and I am forced to trust him and take his word on things. I have major trust issues, and this was the first step towards my decision to trust him.

My H moved out 3 months ago, but when he was here, I tried to give him his space. But honestly, it wasn't until about 1 1/2 months into our separation that we started making some progress, albeit very small.

Since my H has been questioning the separation I have done the following things: I am always happy, smiling, upbeat and positive during all of our interactions. I do not pursue or call/text/email first. I stopped saying I love you..it's been 5 months since I have heard those words from him. I validate his feelings. Tell him how much I admire and respect him. This is huge for a lot of men. I tell him how attractive he is. I tell him how much I appreciate the things he does for me, no matter how small. I think MLC25 says something like "applaud loudly for the 1% of things he does right" or something to that effect. It works! My story is long from over, but these things have all helped me make baby steps so far.

I wish you all the best.

[a girl]

Strangely at peace today. Probably won't last, but I'm enjoying it while it does.

H was oddly attentive last night. Not caring or affectionate, but did come to the office for a while, talk, etc. I'm so numb I don't really care what he does at this point. I'm being pleasant and nice, but not really chatty or engaged. I'm mostly just worn out.

[a girl]

H asked me why I made a character on the WoW server he plays on with the girl I mentioned earlier.

At first I avoided admitting it, but then I just said I didn't really know - I just logged in to look around, realised that was dumb, and logged out.

He was bothered. I apologised, and then again via text.

Me: "I'm sorry I wasn't honest last night. I really just logged in, looked around and left."

Him: "I don't know what to say. Nothing at home feels like home and stuff like this makes it lots weirder. And this is not a good medium for this conversation, I don't think."

Me: "I don't want a conversation. I just want to apologise."

Him: "Ok. Thank you."

We have MC today, so we'll see what happens.

[a girl]

Not a good day. Had to come and work from home - too upset to be in the office. First time in a couple weeks I've been this bad.