I am so lost... Please someone help me! 2

[Starsky309]

Don't mean to make light of your sitch, Johnnie, but this is just funny I don't care WHO you are:

and no flowery mushy love cards with kittens and monkeys on the front. a simple blank no picture no printed words card is the best.

As for the rest of what Ken posted to you, it is wise, wise, WISE.


Starsky

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Do you understand what I'm trying to convey, Johnnie? Going by "what makes ME happy" is the same thought process that gets a wayward spouse into trouble, by cheating.

I wish you could wolf whistle your own post Starsky, but that would be a bit arrogant.

[25yearsmlc]

Johnnie
i've been posting right behind Starksy lately, and i gotta say i agree with everything thats said. Same with 25. and all the others.

your revised apology is much better. minus the last part where you make promises. stick to the bare minimum, dont promise anything. no undying love, no heroics, no better me's.
[b]
stick to "what has happened", drop the "what will happens".

keep it as short as possible, dont leave in anything that she can twist or argue or deny. [/b]

and no flowery mushy love cards with kittens and monkeys on the front. a simple blank no picture no printed words card is the best.

and dont expect anything from this apology. chances are you wont get it. this is for your own conscience. everything is for yourself so that someday when you look back, you have no doubts that you did the right thing always.

This^^ is why I think you could add "just thought you should know" So she knows YOU EXPECT NO REPLY FROM HER....otherwise, I prefer KenF's response below, to mine/yours.

"Wife...
I apologize for how I handled myself on Sunday. If I had some time to process my thoughts and feelings first, I would have handled things much differently. I am not apologizing for having those feelings, they are genuine.
JJ"

And this is only IF YOU SEND ANYTHING...I'm not positive you should.

IF you feel it's needed I guess so.

But I have a feeling you are again looking for an excuse to pursue her

which is the opposite of what SHE wants and it's continued pursuit of her that WE ALL KNOW will hurt your cause...

Just b/c you are lonely does not mean you have to "DO" another pursuing behavior. ( It turns ME off and I'm not your w)

...you have to start seeing how UNappealing it is to her,

for you to keep on pressing and pursuing...comes off as desparate and NOT LOVING...

Need is NOT = Love

Desparate Need = a TURN OFF

[Bworl]

But I have a feeling you are again looking for an excuse to pursue her

Uhm...ditto...ditto....ditto...

You did not commit a grievous offense.

And trust me, she expected AT LEAST what you delivered.

This can and likely will be fixed, WELL ON DOWN the road.

Insisting that you MUST do it now, that it's burning inside of you...well, what's buring inside of you is the FEAR that

1) if you don't do this now then that's a black mark against you and you've hurt your chances of reconciling


which is totally false, or

2) If I do this now, she'll see how much I've changed and think positively of me, and that will be a good thing


which is also false...sorry, or


3) This apology is a great opportunity to communicate with her again...


And that's just a bad idea.


Sorry.


Blessings,

Bill

[Johnnieno1]

I liked it too... Btw had already written it on plain white paper.

[KenF]

and just so you know, i also wrote one of those apologies, on mixed advice from board members years ago.

and it was nothing.

it achieved nothing. it meant nothing. it changed nothing.

i feel stupid that i gave it. but ultimately it was nothing.


if you're looking for a secret key hidden in an apology, you wont find it.

[KenF]

25,
"This^^ is why I think you could add "just thought you should know" So she knows YOU EXPECT NO REPLY FROM HER....otherwise, I prefer KenF's response below, to mine/yours."

the reason i removed the "just thought you should know" is because i found it redundant considering he went and wrote the note because he thought she should know.

so saying that could be taken as if he really wants a response, but says it just so it looks like he doesn't want the response.

[Johnnieno1]

You are missing the point. The apology is not for her, it's for me.

[Johnnieno1]

Tonight (Thurs) is the first night I have had an opportunity to have dinner with my family since Sunday. I have had very limited contact with my W until now. I noticed that she could not (or would not) make eye contact with me even though we were sitting across the table from each other.

Any thoughts?

J

[Starsky309]

Any thoughts?

Yes. Be polite, and enjoy your kids. No R talks; instead, be the World's Best Listener on anything OTHER than the marital relationship that she might want to talk about.

BE A GREAT DAD.


Starsky