Wife... I apologize for how I handled myself on Sunday. Clearly if I had used some time to process my thoughts and feelings first, I would have handled things much differently. I am not apologizing for having the feelings that I feel though, they are genuine. I am working through them and in time, I will move past this.
Just thought you should know.
Jj
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
One good piece of advice I've heard (sorry, can't remember from whom) is to wait 48 hours before doing anything. If it's still a good idea then, then go for it.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I know it is the right thing to do, and I feel good about it. I will pick up a card today after my visit to the Dr's. I plan to give it to her tonight after she has gone to the gym.
Timing right?
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Johnnie, I've read your posts and I see there is one piece of advice that has been repeated over and over: BACK OFF!
Yet you keep putting your hand in the fire. How's that working for you?
I would not send any apology in any way, shape or form. She knows you are sorry. You know you are sorry. The worst thing you can do right now is to keep contacting her. You are so co-dependent with her and it shows.
Johnnie, I know exactly what you are feeling. We all know, because we all are there or have been there. You have to believe us when we say you need to distance yourself and detach. Your emotions are still all over the grid and that does not promote good decisions.
Today is month 4 for me in my mess. I am just starting to feel comfortable with detaching from my W and living my life without thinking, "What will W say/do/feel about this?" It's hard work! But distancing yourself emotionally from your W and approaching your M with calm and rational logic is the only way you are going to come out on the other side with your self-respect, self-esteem and sanity intact.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
That's EMOTIONS. You need to DB based on your HEAD (logic, planning, strategy, tactics), not your HEART. Your heart is what got you into this mess.
Here, I fixed it for you:
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
I am going to do what makes ME happythe Right Thing to Do.
There will be times when The Right Thing to Do also makes you happy. It may even occasionally make your WIFE happy. But those reactions will be incidental as to why you should have done what you did, and that is that you tried to DO THE RIGHT THING.
There will be other times when The Right Thing to Do is incredibly difficult, and -- short-term -- will make you very UNhappy. And some of them may make your wife LIVID (altho that's not what you should set out to do). THOSE are the ones that are going to be the most difficult.
Do you understand what I'm trying to convey, Johnnie? Going by "what makes ME happy" is the same thought process that gets a wayward spouse into trouble, by cheating.
I may not have been clear in my statement. What I was trying to convey is that what will make me happy is doing the right things. Sometimes the message as intended is not received the same way. I will try to be clearer in future posts.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
While I see the logic in what you are recommending, It is important to know that I do owe her an apology for my behavior, just like I would apologize to someone else that I mistreated. That's part of me growing as a person to be true to myself. I do not want to leave anything up to assumptions. it's by assuming that got me into this situation in the first place. It's easy to follow advice when the advice is all the same, but when it's conflicting that's when it is more difficult.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
I may not have been clear in my statement. What I was trying to convey is that what will make me happy is doing the right things. Sometimes the message as intended is not received the same way. I will try to be clearer in future posts.
Johnnie i've been posting right behind Starksy lately, and i gotta say i agree with everything thats said. Same with 25. and all the others.
your revised apology is much better. minus the last part where you make promises. stick to the bare minimum, dont promise anything. no undying love, no heroics, no better me's.
stick to "what has happened", drop the "what will happens".
keep it as short as possible, dont leave in anything that she can twist or argue or deny.
and no flowery mushy love cards with kittens and monkeys on the front. a simple blank no picture no printed words card is the best.
and dont expect anything from this apology. chances are you wont get it. this is for your own conscience. everything is for yourself so that someday when you look back, you have no doubts that you did the right thing always.
"Wife... I apologize for how I handled myself on Sunday. If I had some time to process my thoughts and feelings first, I would have handled things much differently. I am not apologizing for having those feelings, they are genuine. JJ"
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
