Can My Marriage Be Saved?

[Very Confused]

agirl,

I can relate to trying to find a reason why WAS has fallen out of love. When the bomb was dropped, I was snooping every second I was awake..and I never found a thing. It wasn't until I took a long hard look in the mirror that I realized how badly I had treated my H and caused him to feel unloved and unappreciated. He even told me that he felt more love coming from our cat than he did from me. OUCH. And you know what? He was right. I could practically see my footprint on his back, kicking him out the door.

I'm not implying that you are the reason this is happening, but that I can relate to looking for a reason, any reason, that he is behaving this way. Including trying to find OW. The best thing that he ever did was change all of his passwords. It is so freeing and I am forced to trust him and take his word on things. I have major trust issues, and this was the first step towards my decision to trust him.

My H moved out 3 months ago, but when he was here, I tried to give him his space. But honestly, it wasn't until about 1 1/2 months into our separation that we started making some progress, albeit very small.

Since my H has been questioning the separation I have done the following things: I am always happy, smiling, upbeat and positive during all of our interactions. I do not pursue or call/text/email first. I stopped saying I love you..it's been 5 months since I have heard those words from him. I validate his feelings. Tell him how much I admire and respect him. This is huge for a lot of men. I tell him how attractive he is. I tell him how much I appreciate the things he does for me, no matter how small. I think MLC25 says something like "applaud loudly for the 1% of things he does right" or something to that effect. It works! My story is long from over, but these things have all helped me make baby steps so far.

I wish you all the best.