Feel like journaling but not really sure about what. Starting to get nervous about therapy appointment on Saturday. Not so much about her and what she will say, but me.
Just been an emotional few days. I got myself back on the rollercoaster when I helped w with her car. I knew I was going to and I am glad I was there for her and could help her, but I'm still feeling a little "woozy". Therapy was hard as well. I am a woman that needs to have goals, be pushed, but I think c pushed a little too hard. I know she meant well and if I am being defensive, she is probably right in alot of ways. But it made me really uncomfortable. I plan on bringing it up next session. Not in a rude way.. caz I really value what she brings to my life right now, but it will be a small step to expressing my feelings.
Finally things are starting to calm down and I'm about to jump on another roller coaster this Saturday. I think whatever happens it will be good for w to talk about r. I plan on listening and validating. I'm not sure if I will talk about r. I pray to God all the time that if I am supposed to talk about something, let a door open.
Patience has probably been the hardest lesson thus far to learn. Patience in the fact I can't change over night. Learning to accept that there are things I'm not ready to say or do.. no matter how bad I want it.
This week kinda reminds me of my trip to 6 flags a few wks back. There were no lines and so I road 5 coasters in like 1 hr. I started feeling sick.. and although they were good experiences, I had to stop myself because I knew I would just keep getting sick. Instead I waited and my stomach settled a bit. It allowed me to enjoy the rest of the day.
Maybe next time I will spend a little bit more time getting better before I jump on the w roller coaster again.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
