WAW, Filing as Fast as Possible

[aeolianchaos]

Don't worry about codependency or not or what she's doing. Just worry about you. One thing you can do as you see her becoming better in her behavior and thinking is to appreciate it yourself

Worrying/being responsible about myself is what I aim for. It is not always perfect, but I do my best.

I think appreciating her development is absolutely the right thing for me. I actually have a lot of empathy and compassion for her situation. I feel like when I can detach the identity issues of 'my wife' and 'husband' from things, I can really recognize what she is dealing with and the kind of suffering that she must be trying to get away from. I can recognize and appreciate her development on a level of just seeing her moving towards something more 'self-centered' and less 'self-absorbed' and I want that for her. Even if we get D and never see each other again, I would like for her to be able to get away from the compulsory suffering that she is putting herself through. Its easy to indulge in the 'I want her to hurt like I have..' but I think in many ways, she is hurting worse than me.

I have it better in that I don't have the huge burden of guilt she might have, I don't have to live my life worrying about what people are thinking about me/saying about me. I feel pretty good about the clarity of my thoughts and feel like I have (and make us of) a lot of good resources for working through them without running the risk of being enabled instead of empowered.

Maybe there is a 'yin' to DB's 'yang' that is also out there. Some kind of framework/community that is for helping people make sure they get a divorce and it doesn't matter if the other person isn't agreeing. Scary thought.