Stop the Coaster, I want OFF!

[ninelives]

Fantastic posts harrier, cat, Faith. Very grounded. 25, more insight from a personal source. Amazing site here.

Yes, all that makes sense 25, I think you nailed it on the head that I am NOT prepared for all this as much as I like to think I am. Lets add one more thing to the smorgessborg of WTF?

I have to leave tomorrow to go down South and help with my parents who are both not doing well and my poor brother is left holding the bag. I cant believe how bad it has gotten for my parents. Its a long story and trust me when I say, I would not leave If I didnt have to.

Wife is taking kids camping with her friend. Again, I am torn with what I should do about that. She wants to get out of town as she is so paranoid and she did have this planned.

Today BTW was not a good day for the family. We were supposed to go to the city to watch Green Lantern but she was so paranoid and close to having panic attacks.

She was waiting outside when I arrived with kids and wanted to get going right away. She didnt want me in her driveway long.

OM was released from jail today and has conditions on his release.

The car ride with her was very tense. Despite a very good day yesterday where we had open, easy dialogue that was kept light.
We laughed at times yesterday, talked about alot of things including R talk but light.

There was awkward silence and mostly listening to the radio. When we got to the first town to grab some burgers, at Wendy's, she went into a small panic attack.

W: Dont park out front , Im not going in. I cant

M: We are in next small town over, dont worry

W: I cant go in, please dont make me.

M: Ok, kids go in and grab some lunch,

I stayed with W in car, I went to little store to find cigarettes for her, she was outside of car and smoking.

W: I cant go to city to watch movie

M: REally?, We will go there and sit in a dark theatre, No one will see us.

W: I dont think I can do it.

M: Thats okay, Ill tell the boys that I need to do something

W: IM sorry, I know the boys are looking forward to this.

M: ok, as long as you are sure.

We start driving and she says she can make it. So I go to gas station to get her cigarettes and when i get back in car .

W: Sorry , I cant make it, lets go home.

M: Ok, sorry guys. We will see it next time.

WE drive home and the drive home is a little more pleasant. Some banter between the four of us. A few laughs, seems like old times.

When we get to our hometown, she starts to panic again.

W: Why are you driving so slow,?

M: There is a car a head of me in town, cant pass.

W: Go this way to my house.

Then as I am about to turn into her driveway.

W: No keep going straight, dont go in.

W: Turn left, and left again and again

So we do a loop around her block and now for some reason its ok to pull in .

W: Okay, let me out and please go as fast as you can.

At that moment, unmarked police cruiser pulls out in front of her house.

W: NOw what. I dont want my kids to hear any of this.

I know the cop, he gets out and starts talking to my wife, she wants me to keep going so the kids dont hear any of this.

I go and cop comes to me, calls me by name. I say , "cop" call me at home, i gotta go.

He calls me at home and he tells me conditions of OM's release.

I listen. Wife is staying with her sister tonight and BIL and is complaining that she cant cry or be upset because her sister gets upset. I told her she should have stayed here and she says she wished she did.

I would have slept on the couch.

Anyway, I talk to wife and tell her that I am going down south to help out with my parents and see my uncle who is dying.

(Man could a soap opera guy write this stuff any more dramatic)

I will be leaving tomorrow morning but dont feel good about it.

Also, I know I have to let OW go, but it is difficult. I dont think my wife can love me. I just dont think she is capable of it. I think my life is going to be a series of psychological episodes. I do love her, I have to figure out what to do.

For now, i have to focus on my parents and my kids and hope my wife gets the help she requires.

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