Feeling Low

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling----

Now don't laugh everyone, but I think I might be starting to understand this whole DB concept. It really is about doing what is best for me.

I've been thinking a lot about my conversation with my B last night, and it has cleared up so many things for me.
First, my obsession with checking the cell phone records. I understand now. I do it because I don't trust myself. I don't trust that I worthy of being loved, faithful, or truthful to. My insecurities are what drive me to do it. My B was right, if I feel I need to do that then it's time to walk away. Not from my M, but from the self conscious woman I once was. I no longer want to be that person, so I won't. I'm leaving that DG behind.

I read something on here and I can't remember if it was an archive or an active thread so please forgive me, but the poster said that the first decision she decided to make was to not make any major decisions for a year. I think that is a great idea, and I am going to do that also.
I realize the H may make a decision for himself before then and I'll have no choice but to accept it, but I only have control over myself.
I figure that besides my relationship with my kids, this is the biggest relationship I have and I owe it to myself to really process everything before I decide to let go. I've often jumped the gun and have made decisions quickly only to regret them later, and I want to avoid that.

There will be no contacting him unless it has something to do with the household or something. That means no phone calls, no texts, nothing.
I really want to make sure I do this right and the fact that I am happy with my decision leads me to believe it's the right one.

Thoughts?