Sorry about last night. That is tough. Listen, you guys have had fights before and you will again. Give him time to cool down and please, please, please get that man out of your head. Detach.
On the MIL issue, ask yourself if subconsciously you've been using that relationship to try to get her to do your dirty work for your. You think to yourself ... "I want him to know/think/feel X way ... so if I say Y to MIL that might get back to him and that may influence his behaviour to be/do/say X?"
One of the big learning’s for me over the past few years is that I have no right to do things designed to manipulate someone to get our way. I used to do it all the time. If I just write him an e-mail and tell him such and such - that will make him do/think/be whatever it was I want.
You strike me as a super organised get-the-job-done kind of woman. (‘cause us Aussie chicks are!!) You are strong and you have good skills - so it's easy for you to get your way in most relationships and at work? Yeah? You've been trading on that all your life (it takes one to know one!!). The lesson for you here, is that this is out-of-your-control.
You said a few days ago
Quote:
In a way I saved him. So maybe he wants to do the same to someone else?
that's a pretty big call .... I wonder how he feels about you thinking that you "saved" him ... from what? Himself? And was that an entirely altruistic exercise in organising him to get his life sorted out? Was that about him … or was it about you making him in to the man/partner you wanted him to be.?
Ask yourself too, why you would have hooked up with someone who needed that much support to making him into “husband” material. You know there are heaps of men out there who don’t need a woman to come along and mother them to get their life sorted out – so what was it about you that made you chose a man who needed all that support?
Have you read “Women who love too much” by Robin Norwood? If not, pick it up. It’s a good read and you’ll learn a lot about yourself.
You also said something about him snogging another girl a few years ago and you “told” him what that was all about. Red, I do that all the time too. I sprout my “opinion” or “analysis” of a situation as though it’s the word of God and close the book on it. Finished. I’m learning that just because I’ve declared or “told” everyone what I think – doesn’t make it so!!! Everyone has to make their own learning and analysis for themselves. We can’t and really, really should never, think we can do that for them.
Girl, DETACH. DETACH. And when you’ve done that, DETACH some more.
Thinking of you. ((Hugs)) V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
