Not much change in the past two weeks which means either the baby steps are not being noticed as much by me or I must change up the interaction.
It was 6 months yesterday since the bomb, I decided maybe I should take the IC's advice and pull back completely but not in a mean way. He needs to feel what divorce is like. Its just hard because he gets to come around when he wants, if he wants and now its starting to wear on me. I haven't been a doormat in my own mind, although others say I am.
Decided to take the kids to a waterpark for the day. He called last nite to say he will come over for dinner but I said I made plans to take the kids out for the day. He paused. I said "Is something wrong?" he just said "No, I was driving and saw something that preoccupied me". I know it bothered him because we did everything as a family and he has said how he misses family time with all of us. I knew at that point he will try to get even in some way but I just acted 'as if' and even tried to keep the convo going in a postive tone.
This morning I wake up to a text asking me for a copy of my paystub. I tried to call but he didn't answer, shocker. I knew he was going to try someway to ruin my day but I did everything I could to not let it (but it did at some points of the day). I even went as far to text him to let him know we made it there safe and back home safe (of which he replied ok).
I'm scared to do this but I have to face this fear. I did nothing wrong taking the kids out for the day and not inviting him. He chose to leave, he needs to know that if he D's me, he won't have those moments as a family. If he D's me because of something like this to put him out of 'confusion' then he really is messed up. I am trying to go with the theory of pulling away to save myself from all of this constant hurt and yet hope to draw him in.
H:41 W:44 D1:19 D2:17 S:13 D3:7 T:20 M:18 Bomb:1/5/11 Sep:2/18/11 No D filed yet; just threats
