Sounds like it's on a positive track. It helps when the OM is a douche. On the contrary though, I have seen this way work. You're just going to have to play it by ear and adjust your conversations accordingly.
One word of warning though is that the OM will build up the guilt and pressure in your W. While it's easy to say "well she needs to make a decision...either he or me", for a woman and her emotions, it's not that simple.
Be strong yet firm and you can guide her along the way without feeling like she's being forced to. You've been changing her attitude and thoughts about you. Keep those up.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Starsky, I totally see your point on this. I will clarify her choice of options. I will re establish that boundary. But remember if she chooses to have a private life, then i have to suck it up and as Mr. Bond says, continue to change her attitude and thoughts about me.
I honestly dont think my wife sees me as a weak person. I have a very shady past. One that often involved physical violence for money. OM is a toothpick geek. She has done everything she could to keep him away from me.
Over the past 14 months, i have proven that i have the strength to restrain myself, i have grown as a father and honestly, as a husband. She sees that and her actions show that she recognizes my changes. She admitted that she is living 2 lives, and its killing her. She doesnt want OM near our children now, and when my deadline came, she still didnt want him near the kids.
These are all baby steps, but when i add them together, it is some pretty big steps.
I will keep adjusting and improving myself. The attraction is coming back, i can feel it. She is spending 4 days a week at my house with me and the kids as a family, she is staying here on her weekends. I make sure i am always around being the new me. If it gets to emotional or tough for me, i just take a break. I go to my room and read a book, or come on here and read.
I know it wont be easy, but i think i will continue this direction until it stops working or i cant handle it emotionally. But i do have some good friends who let me vent and say totally crazy things and they support me and even point out things that i can improve on and how to do things differently. I value all of you guys, and i appreciate you taking the time to read my storey and give me input.
Hell, even dbmod said he needed them (boundaries), Jack. What does that tell you, Tank? dbmod is slightly to the left of Mother Theresa on this issue; if she thinks you need them, and Jack thinks you need them, and I think you need them . . .
I had a phone conversation with my wife today. I told her that before i pick her up for her visit tomorrow she needed to clarify which option she was choosing.
If its option #1 then she is on her home until she moves back into the house. At which point I will drive her to any of the kids functions and family gatherings etc. But not until she was living here.
If its option #2, then she needs to move home right away, if she is truley interested in working on our marriage and piecing it back together then she can stick to that decision now, not stretch it out for a couple of weeks.
I have been used by her all along, i see it and i know it happens, yet i still allow her to do it.
Thanks for the sound advice, i am sticking to my guns and i will keep everyone posted.
