Thanks for the support and this is defenitly one day at a time.....I tell my H those exact words often. And yes, I have told my H we will wait at least two months to move him back in.I told him I still want to attend alanon and do friend and family gatherings, and he said He is fine with that and he does not want to get in the way of my healing.
So far we have been basically dating for this past week & 1/2. We have done a lot of nice dinners out. He went to trivia night with me (which he hates but I love) and we were around all our old h.s. friends from the past. He even said, he realizes that his drinking is what ruined many of those very friendships and he is glad he is stopping. We went to his parents camp a few days this past week end and attended several of our friends 4th of July parties & watched fireworks & gone for boat rides. And last night we went to a minor leage base ball game. Its been so nice reconnecting. He has been drinking the Non-alcoholic beer daily (it was his fathers suggestion). He aims to be like his dad - a recovering alcoholic that has a limit of two to three beers a day TOPS! His dad has done this for about 20 years ever since his mom put her foot down. This works for his dad, and I think my H wants the same type of recovery. He is too uncomfortable with the whole A.A. thing. I am o.k. with his decisions becuase in alanon I have learned to keep the focus on me and that I cant change him or fix him. He is doing this out of his choice of wanting our M to work and that is good enough for me. I have also read in alanon literature that I should not try and manage his sobriety. The alcoholic is the only one that is in charge of that and I am in charge of me.
I know people dont want to see me get hurt by My H again. I respect that. I feel like I am in a different place now, where I realize that I have choices and If I dont think my H is treating me well in the future/or starts drinking heavily again, I can decide to tell him we need distance. I would do it for me if called for, not to punish him. He is glad that I am not being a beer nazi and letting him take this one day at a time.
He has allready seen some great changes in his body, he can eat anything cuz his old food allergies/irratations (with every type of food) have all gone away. He can sleep again. He has more energy and he says he wants to get into new activities rather than waist his life away behind a bar.
I am so happy to see him controlling himself. He has said many times that he doesnt want to loose me, and asks permission to do everything before doing it. I tell him, I am not in control of that, and his choices are his, but to know that I do not want to see him get out of hand like he was-and if he does, he knows I will be gone.
I am so gratefull for alanon and DBing. It has all given me strength to wake him up. I stopped enabling, went dark as I could, used the LRT and GALed my but off as usual. It all worked in my favor of his return.
Now I am still going to alanon, because they say, when an alcoholic is trying to get sober, I will need the program even more, in terms of learning to let go, not to let his attitudes/choices effect me, and focus on me being the best person I can be. They teach you how to love the alcoholic in your life no matter what stage they are at in terms of drinking or being sober. They teach you that you can still have a great life in any circumstance as long as you keep the focus on yourself.
It is all so similar to DBing, I love it. People there have even commented on how far along I have gotten in just a few months of meetings, and I tell them its becuase I have been practicing many of their strategies long before I even found alanon, thanks to the DBing Books/website!!!!!!!!!!! TIPPER
