Looking for advise

[Bworl]

If you were the perfect version of you, what would you be doing right now that you are not doing right now?


I've often thought this site needed a subtitle, because it's about WAY much more than busting divorces.


Everyone sees the title and comes running (I suppose that's what marketing is all about). Then you read the books. Then read them again. Then start REALLY thinking about them and digesting what they have to say...


...and you realize how much work there is in front of you

...and how little of it has to do with your wife

...or your marriage


Bad patterns of behavior can be let go for years and years, making us think that who we've become must not be all that bad.

Meanwhile our spouse is dying the death of a thousand small cuts that having them bleeding out what love they once had for us.


I don't know you. Don't know how much of your tale is understated or overblown, whether you've told the whole truth or just enough to get the message across.


I will tell you there is enough in your first post to make me think you probably have not been the greatest guy to live with over the years.


DB'ing has a goal of saving marriages.

But that work is done by YOU, first by saving yourself.


You can't change your wife's mind with words or actions that are done for show. She's not stupid. She fully expects that you're going to pull out all the stops to try and win her back. She's PREPARED for your newly found good deeds.


So you say "Then what am I supposed to do?!"


Become a better man.
Become the perfect version of yourself.
And do it because you can't stand living as the current version of yourself any longer if it means you have to lose those you love.


Then keep doing it. And doing it. And doing it.


Lay off of her and the decisions she's making. Stop condemning her with guilt trips and tears. STop trying to change her mind.

RESPECT her choices, knowing they've been made as a result of years, not hours or days.


Then keep doing the new man some more.


Reclaim yourself, make it real and genuine, and you might have a chance at some point to reclaim your marriage.


Blessing,

Bill