Thanks for the practical advice. With regards to letting H lead the convos, its almost like I have no choice but to do what you say, because when he starts conversations thats when we have some productive back and forths, but when I do, its usually a monosyllabic answer. He actually once told me that he will tell me all about things, but in his time, and his choice.
About event planning, its the same thing. H plans, we park our brains and follow. Sometimes he plans way ahead, at times he jus does things on the spur of the moment. He doesn't like it when we plan on things. It can be irritating, we plan stuff and then he plans stuff and he gets mad and we have to cancel.
You can see my H is quite the control freak. I used to butt heads with him in the long ago past, but in the later years of our relationship, found out that life was more peaceful and organized when I let him be. He usually did things in such a way that also took into consideration things we like (food, places to go)and also had a lot of exciting stuff (travels to nice places, other countries, beach, etc) that actually, my D and I got quite complacent and would just wait for his ideas to gel. We rarely do bug him, but even that rare times seem to stand out.
I have just started reading a book about saving your marriage without talking and so far, it seems to resonate with me. In the book it says that not communicating is NOT the cause of disconnectedness, rather, it is the other way around. I think this may be true in our case - I do see how once we are feeling comfortable H does seem to open up slowly.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
