Can My Marriage Be Saved?

[a girl]

Need to remember not to talk to H before I listen to my "Positivity" meditation in the morning.

Watched the fireworks at my office last night - we have a great view and they do a family thing - crafts for the kids, etc.

About 15 minutes before they started, we went out to the deck and got some seats. H played Angry Birds until they started, which was troubling. I couldn't find a way to mention it at the time so I waited until we got home. In hindsight, I should have said something right then so he could have "fixed" it.

I told him it was a hard night for me and I wished he'd not done that. He apologized and then we went to sleep. I slept poorly for the first time in a week or so.

This morning I got up to go potty before I did my meditation and he asked if something was wrong. I responded poorly. We talked for a minute and near the end, I said, "You know, I know I promised myself I wouldn't ask you for hugs, but I almost did last night." He said, "I'm sorry .. I know it was hard."

Then he started to leave, asked if I wanted the door closed (I said "Yes, please") and then he came back and said, "I will hug you for a minute - I can't lay down long because my head hurts."

He hugged me - sort of a one-armed thing. I just leaned my head on him for a second and then pulled away.

Part of me wanted to say "I really don't need your pity hugs" but that wouldn't get me closer to my goal.

We rode the train in (we usually drive, but traffic was going to be awful). There was a seat of 3 seats with 2 open - he went to sit in it, and I went to sit elsewhere but he said, "Do you want to take these?" so I did. I tried not to be too pressed up against him - I said 'Sorry I'm so close to you, but I don't like to touch strangers'. He just said, "It's fine."

He got off at his stop and just said, "This is me! Bye - have a good day!"

So. Today is hard. I signed up for 6 sessions of coaching - haven't gotten the call to schedule them yet, but I can't stay in limbo like this - MC is good, I really believe that, but it's not going fast enough.

Has anyone worked with any of the coaches? Can you recommend anyone? I've read Laurie's replies in some old threads and she seems good, but I don't know the rest of them.

[a girl]

Today has been somewhat ok, somewhat not. Had wanted to go out after work and look for a sundress, but H has a meeting until 6 so I think I'll need to pick up S. Maybe I'll take him to a park or something.

Scheduled a pedicure for tomorrow after work - about to schedule a dr. appointment - MC suggested I look at anti-anxiety drugs for the short term while I process things.

Also need to looking to nearby yoga studios - think doing a yoga class once a week will help me GAL, and help me feel better/more centered.

[jbnati]

Girl, it sounds to me like you are spending too much time telling your H what you're doing to give him space, i.e. telling him you almost asked for a hug, apologizing for being so close to him. Just do, don't talk about it, IMO.

I don't know if it's appropriate to recommended a coach by name on this message board. I understand all of the coaches have been at this for a long time and they're all good. I've had 10 DB coaching sessions myself and they've all been good. My suggestion is to prepare ahead of time with your questions and a synopsis of the current state of affairs.

[a girl]

Girl, it sounds to me like you are spending too much time telling your H what you're doing to give him space, i.e. telling him you almost asked for a hug, apologizing for being so close to him. Just do, don't talk about it, IMO.

Guh! You're right - that's a good call out. Thanks for the reminder.

Don't talk about it, just do it. Easier said than done, if I may be forgiven a terrible joke.

[~¤DG¤~]

Girl- I personally have never had a session with a DB coach but the ones here who have and posted about their experience had nothing but positive things to say. I think this will be a good thing for you.

I also am on anti-anxiety/depression meds and it has made all the difference in the world. I've been on/off with them for years but I finally have the right combination and they work rather well. I hope you get the relief you need also.

Enjoy your pedicure, something about pretty toes makes me so happy.

[a girl]

Thanks for the kind words!

H has gone totally off caffeine, so that's "fun". This morning he was cranky. Tonight he's just tired, which I prefer - the cranky is hard enough under good circumstances, and these aren't.

Anyway, chatted with him a bit - he asked how my day was (something he rarely does, which was always a pet peeve of mine he knew of), so that was heartening.

He'll be playing Warcraft most of the night - I had planned to go dress shopping tonight, but I'm too tired. I think I'll just shave my legs and read a book. Not totally getting a life, but ..

[a girl]

Woke up early and decided to head to the office and get a little work done. H noticed I was up and called down to see what I was up to - told him I was working. Wasn't feeling chatty.

Might go lay back down. Feeling numb this morning - better than other stuff, I guess.

[a girl]

Question - how many of you believe the theory that "No one jumps out of a marriage without a comfortable place to land?"

[Queen_of_Swords]

My STBX did not have a soft place. He packed his stuff in under 2 hours and was gone. He said he intended to drive until he had to refuel, instead he stopped in a nearby town where an associate of his lives and was offered a place to stay on the spot as this associate was very worried about my STBX. He stayed there 4 months.

[LearningPatience]

I can only speak for myself, but I was the WAS in my first M. I had someone I had a crush on (not quite to the EA point), but I knew that we wouldn't get together after my separation. So, in effect I jumped without a parachute.