I almost don't want to break in on the friendship that is forming here, and not saying that in any sarcastic way.
Thanks for the kind words about inspiration. Just proof it can be done.
About the kids.
My boys were 5 and 10.
My 5 year old is now 10, and he has decent memories about Mom's (Fragile) Fish House and my Tree House. The reason for the names stems from Mom's house having all the stuff that would break if you bumped into something and all the fish tanks, while I turned their room into a tree fort.
My oldest son is now 15 and this last Spring when he and mom went to dinner, asked her a bunch of questions about OM, who was also my friend. Asked what happened why he wasn't around anymore.
She answered him honestly, without going into the more sorid details, didn't say they slept together (sex), but didn't shy from saying they were boyfriend and girlfriend.
She was a bit shaken when they got home told me what they talked about. I talked a bit with him.
I told him that the reason OM wasn't around was because he wanted a realtionship with mom at the cost of our family. He was selfish. He would rather be a boyfriend to mom than to have us be a whole family.
Our youngest...only 5 at the time, has yet to be asking questions. Maybe he will, maybe he won't.
Just be honest with them, within reason.
My advice is to just love them, support them, insulate them and never let them think for a second that the problems between you and mom has anything to do with them.
Quote:
So hard to not rush in. I see my wife and I just want to jump her. Can't even kiss her or hug her or hold her hand. I am not a patient man; never have been. I KNOW what I'm doing is working. I see the steps. Nice TM exchange with W last night about the weekend schedule. She ends it with "Ok and thank you, (Last Name). Sweet dreams. ILY" Doesn't get better than that. I'm not going to change a thing but the more she steps in, the more I WANT to RUN in. Ugggggghhhhh.
Getting harder to not have expectations too. I know I shouldn't but I do anyway. When I got to dinner last night, she kissed both kids hello. In my head I thought "ok, here it comes, I'm next". Of course I wasn't, I knew I wouldn't be, would have been shocked if she had; but was still slightly disappointed. How dumb is that? It's like not buying a lottery ticket, not watching the numbers get drawn and then being upset that you didn't win. Makes no sense, but none of this process really does now does it?
That is very hard.
If she kisses you today? Enjoy the moment, savor it for a few moments afterward, but that was today, and tomorrow might be different.
The only expectation I'd advise having is the one on yourself to enjoy the moment.
These changes are FAST for a few weeks. Its a word of caution, not a forewarning.
She likes the slow guy you are showing her...you slip up move too fast and quick like a bunny she'll be in her hole.
Is it a test?
I don't think you lose anything by viewing it as such. I think you gain more by assuming it is.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
