Your W has literally hit the proverbial "Rock Bottom". She is a walking china vase right now and you need to just let her be.
If she needs to talk, just listen. No advice to her unless she flat out asks. Just leave her be and let her feel safe. Just shut up and listen.
After a few days suggest to her getting help with the Bi-Polar meds; she is going to need therapy for the abuse; and then a little later down the road, retroville(sp?).
SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!! Very slow 9. Proceed with caution.
This ^^^^ .
Starsky
+1
9, what has happened is truly remarkable. It is terrible that it took what happened for your W to have a change of heart, and it has all happened incredibly fast.
You have been given a huge opportunity. Take it slow. I know you have all of these thoughts in your head. All the things you have learned on this site, the book and elsewhere. But all of those things do not need to be said, definitely not right away.
You can show her the way without telling her the way.
Embrace the opportunity that has been given to you, however, don't be like Lennie, and clench so tight that you kill the mouse in your hand.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I really do wish you the best. 2x4s are on their way, and i don't mean to insult you or your x. i apologize if i come off as insensitive, that's not my intention.
get her into counseling, get her meds straightened out. You're both very confused, and this all happened so fast with so much drama. and unfortunately, its not over yet.
get her well BEFORE even beginning to consider to think about talking about getting back together. my guess is that you're both months away from anything healthy.
I'm sorry to say this, but i see a lot of manipulation on her part. Playing the victim, while asking about OW. and careful about accepting her excuse of being sick, it strikes me as if she found a quick simple excuse to everything.
it didn't have to happen this way. she could have left him, but instead chose the path of maximum drama and sucked you right in. she knowingly created the situation that made herself a victim and is asking you to forgive her past because she is a victim.
you also need to stop with the R talk, you're also manipulating her. you need to withdraw so as to not confuse the situation and healing process.
Go back to DBing.
my fear would be that you'll lose sight of the issues that need to be addressed, while you're caught up in the anger at him and the chivalry of saving her.
keep sight of the big picture. remind yourself of your thoughts before this episode started with her seeing you with OW. this drama changed the details and the immediate circumstances, but you dont know yet how it affects the big picture.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
I really do wish you the best. 2x4s are on their way, and i don't mean to insult you or your x. i apologize if i come off as insensitive, that's not my intention.
get her into counseling, get her meds straightened out. You're both very confused, and this all happened so fast with so much drama. and unfortunately, its not over yet.
get her well BEFORE even beginning to consider to think about talking about getting back together. my guess is that you're both months away from anything healthy.
I'm sorry to say this, but i see a lot of manipulation on her part. Playing the victim, while asking about OW. and careful about accepting her excuse of being sick, it strikes me as if she found a quick simple excuse to everything.
it didn't have to happen this way. she could have left him, but instead chose the path of maximum drama and sucked you right in. she knowingly created the situation that made herself a victim and is asking you to forgive her past because she is a victim.
you also need to stop with the R talk, you're also manipulating her. you need to withdraw so as to not confuse the situation and healing process.
Go back to DBing.
my fear would be that you'll lose sight of the issues that need to be addressed, while you're caught up in the anger at him and the chivalry of saving her.
keep sight of the big picture. remind yourself of your thoughts before this episode started with her seeing you with OW. this drama changed the details and the immediate circumstances, but you dont know yet how it affects the big picture.
Nine - I am shocked at where things are now. I am trying not to get too excited for you. It must be almost impossible for you to do that! Obviously, anything can happen from here on, but while still being realistic, please appreciate this opportunity for what it is. An opportunity.
I really do wish you the best. 2x4s are on their way, and i don't mean to insult you or your x. i apologize if i come off as insensitive, that's not my intention.
get her into counseling, get her meds straightened out. You're both very confused, and this all happened so fast with so much drama. and unfortunately, its not over yet. get her well BEFORE even beginning to consider to think about talking about getting back together. my guess is that you're both months away from anything healthy.
I'm sorry to say this, but i see a lot of manipulation on her part. Playing the victim, while asking about OW. and careful about accepting her excuse of being sick, it strikes me as if she found a quick simple excuse to everything. it didn't have to happen this way.
this^^^^^
she could have left him, but instead chose the path of maximum drama and sucked you right in.
and this^^^
she knowingly created the situation that made herself a victim and is asking you to forgive her past because she is a victim.
you also need to stop with the R talk, you're also manipulating her. you need to withdraw so as to not confuse the situation and healing process. Go back to DBing. my fear would be that you'll lose sight of the issues that need to be addressed, while you're caught up in the anger at him and the chivalry of saving her. absolutely ^^^^ please don't make all your painful suffering and growth be for naught
keep sight of the big picture. remind yourself of your thoughts before this episode started with her seeing you with[b] OW. this drama changed the details and the immediate circumstances, but you dont know yet how it affects the big picture. [/b]
part of me wants to know how women like your w
gets a man like you...(and I mean that as a compliment to you.)
I also find it very disturbing that your w felt it necessary to get hit in order for her to leave OM....and
coincidentally this somehow happened
only when
you dated OW...
I fear your drama is not over my friend.
But I have a lot of faith in Retrovaille and if she does get help, real help,
you have a shot.
At least now you also know that there are other women out there
who do not have all this baggage and not all of your history together
is so hot...
Your w has some problems. Hopefully you see there is an upside of not being with her. I say this b/c you are not out of the woods by a long shot
so if this isn't going to pan out, you have to keep your eyes open to the reality
that not all was well with her or the m. Don't be blinded by a wounded ego or false recall. We all do it to some extent, I'm not giving you a 2x4 for it.
But I"m concerned by the idea that her getting hit got you so worked up so fast never mind that she created the situation and admits it
...and lacks the insight to see how UNhealthy that is...
(I'm bothered by how it worked so fast on YOU...)
But if you can at least admit (as I think you are) that she's a mixed bag
and life without her might NOT be all bad at all....
(there are normal women out there you know...seriously...)
Know this^^^^. And remember you DO have choice in this
and that's very freeing. And empowering.
Turns the LBSer into the possible MLCer...
make sense?
Don't give away your power again.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I don't mean to be a wet blanket. But I'm not "excited" for you nearly as much as I'm worried.
You have a volatile situation with a crazy OM, whom your w invited into your family's life... And only when you dated OW, did she make her move.
Her questions about OW are rapidly getting old to ME...oh the irony. Speaking of her move "towards" you...
The move she chose to make was wild, dramatic, and involved violence. She's not well.
Tread lightly my friend, very lightly. Make no assumptions!
I don't care what she SAYS TODAY...OR TOMORROW...I care about
how she acts in 6 months and 6 years...etc.
sorry, but I think you have a LONG TOUGH road of piecing ahead of you and that's
even if she weren't sick. But she is sick. So it's longer and tougher. She'll have to have a PLAN of treatment that she takes seriously.
Look how much damage her "issues" have done. (I'm purposely refraining from saying "illness" til you are ready to say it like that)
And it could have led to more serious injury or worse...literally...
You have children to protect. They have to come first, 9.
Even if it means you not being with her, if she's having an episode again, or draws dangerous people into their lives again.
You have the resources you lacked before. Let's hope that's enough.
Sending you positives!! ((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
