I remember well how painful it was to feel so ALONE in the presence of my own H.... But try not to feel he's being "disrespectful" by not having proper conversations with you--try to regard that as him not having the energy/concentration/ability really to engage with another person at the moment. He can't "see" you during his crisis--he can't see beyond his own heightened emotions.
I found that during this period, it was best to let my H lead most of the conversations, and I listened, validated, and generally interacted with him on the things that interested him at that point. Of course, I also kept him in the loop with what the children were doing--but if his attention wandered, I just stopped talking, and found something else to do elsewhere. Often he would then follow me there, looking for some connection even if he couldn't really talk about it. I saved my conversations about my own feelings, etc, for the few trusted family members and friends in whom I was confiding about the MLC.
As for not being so dependent on each other--perhaps you and D could have avoided repeatedly asking H what he wanted to do and "bugging" him? Is he usually the event planner in the family? Why did he end up having to plan everything that did happen if he didn't really want to? Try asking him ONCE if there's anything he'd like to do, and if not, ask D what she's interested in doing, or suggest that there are several things you'd been looking forward to trying.
Don't settle for "boring" because that seems to be the extent of H's interests at the time--accomplish whatever the 2 of you might enjoy. Show him that you're still living your lives while he's in limbo, and that you'd be okay without him. And throwing in a few 180 activities he would never expect from you wouldn't hurt....
