Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

Well I had thought about how I would bring up the "rules" i put in place and how i would rescind them. Then if he brought up the D what I would say exactly.. I spent a good portion of an hour reviewing what and how I would say it.

Then I discussed with a friend and she asked me.. Why are you actually going to bring this up? Who does it benefit? If he is going to release himself he wont wait for you to do it.. After I pondered this I decided to not say a thing.

He picked up the kids and brought them home to change for gynmastics and I fixed them a snack. When I asked him if he was going to take them to dinner after he said no he didnt have any $. Which was odd since he had been somewhere all weekend and that costs $ but I didnt say a word. I said okay and quickly grabbed something out of the fridge heated it up and fed the kids. They left..
I worked out and enjoyed every single minute of it and when they came home I fed the kids something better. I told him I needed to talk to him about a few things (financial and kids only) He looked worried. I asked if he would prefer to discuss another time that it wasnt a big deal and he seemed relieved and tired.

He said that he would come early to get the kids in the AM and we could chat then. Later my D5 was upset i think from not seeing him for 3 days and then him leaving for the night and wanted to call. So I called and she had the phone and talked to him for a while and asked him if he would stay the night at our house. He sort of back peddled and told her he didnt think he could do that blah blah blah..

when he came in this morning I happened to be ironing my top and standing in my skirt and bra. Ive lost about 35lbs and I didnt make a big effort to cover up I just ironed and tried to get done quickly. He stood there and talked to me and looked at me for a minute but didnt say anything. I discussed the financial stuff (selling my truck which he always wanted to keep to get another car) and then he mentioned some other company things etc. This part of the conv. was really me moving on and not holding on to our stuff in the form of buying a new car. He moved to the couch and just sat and kept chatting facing my direction and didnt have a problem looking me in the eye. I put on my top while we were still talking and grabbed my shoes and sat down to put them on in the next chair.
I told him he would need to keep the kids a certain weekend all weekend since I would be out of town. He agreed (we really arent on a schedule just when I need him to take the kids he does and he asks to get them here and there).

I kept getting my things for work and he kept sitting and chatting about this or that. He sat that much longer than I expected him too even as I was in and out of rooms he sat there an chatted and waited for me to come back to living room.

I made sure not to pitty him and just listen and was super up beat and looked pretty. Actually I was thinking maybe he was waiting for me to bring up the D or he just wanted see me??? He watched everything I did including how I put on my shoes or packed my lunch.. It was odd for him since he wouldnt stay in the same room with me the day before.

It wasnt until I went in to tell the kids goodbye and kiss them that he got up from the couch. I didnt change my mode at all from the night before Im trying to keep up beat and look happy.

He and I havent touched in weeks and that last touch was me asking to hug him because he was crying. The last time we were intimate was a week before he moved out over a month ago. When things were still being "worked" out...Otherwise I stay away from him and he pretty much does the same. I do catch him occasionally calling me babe etc.. I dont say anything like that I call him by his name and dont say ILY any more.

I know it is a roller coaster and that he may do things to get reactions out of me. I am doing my darndest to keep myself in check and not to react or show him he is getting to me.

**Before I sent this my MIL called me..

Apparently she called my H this weekend and reemed him on not seeing his kids. She sent him text messages that he shouldnt be putting a girl or friends before his kids. He got mad and told her i will stop talking to "ya'll" if you dont quit accusing me. She did clarify that it was just her talking but that made me wonder..

Does he think I am at the root of all of our family calling him? I had nothing to do with that conversation.. Maybe that is why he wouldnt look me in the eye on Tuesday..