But how do you allow yourself to be or feel something for someone else when you are still in love with your H? Obviously Im not ready. But perhaps its what I need???
I know in my heart that my H loves me. I know that he will always love me. I see the look in his eyes. I feel the love in his heart.
I pray that GOD gives him the strenght to overcome this "crisis". And soon
Is that too much to ask?
Red,
I do still love my H and I always will. I firmly believe God brought us together and will restore and heal our marriage. The day I met my H God told me he would be my H. The exact words went through my mind as he was being introduced to me was "This is your husband" and I know that was God talking to me. I know it sounds crazy, but it happened and for days I wondered about why I heard it. Then I just trusted God, and I am doing the same thing now. Just trusting Him and His goodness. Though my H is really deep in the tunnel, I know God is working on him. Someone pointed out to me, that even though he may only be thinking of himself. When he came up and talked about the demo derby, he did seek me out to discuss it and that is a positive!
I do like getting the attention from other men, but I also shut them down right away. Even those who know that we are exasperated and think it is okay. I just tell them, it is not fair to them to start something with them as I still love my H. That usually will shut them down.
Red, don't beat yourself up. I have to work on that daily as H has said some terrible things about me which are all untrue, but it still hurts. I know that he is not in his right mind. I do not want my H back right now, the state he is in is only a shell of the man he once was and will be one day. He is not living an authentic life and I see that clearly. My H has always been a humble and moral man until MLC set in and one day those qualities will once again rise above the MLC and he will be and live the authentic life God created for him. The OW think they have won a prize, but really they haven't, they only have the shell of the men we love, not the authentic persons we know. I know I am the love of my H life, even if he doesn't want to admit that right now, one day he will remember that too. It may be years from now. I am just learning to live my life like he will never come back. It helps to live my life, a life that God has given me to enjoy.
You are a strong person Red, we all backslide! Just pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and keep on moving. We have all heard the saying, if your going through hell keep on moving eventually you will depart the dreadful place!!
Many Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
