Very confused - yes our situations seem very similar. I love what you said about exuding confidence. That's one of my new goals, and I am going to think about you when I am doing it. What other things have you been doing? Any reaction from H yet? And trust me, having 2 little children is a blessing in disguise. As much as I am struggling with being a single mother with no help from anyone, they keep me grounded, and they force me to stay stable, and they are a very good distraction from the horrible loneliness that I too feel. IMO, you are much tougher - if I was all alone with no distractions from my kids, I don't know if I would ever get out of bed. So you are doing great, IMO.
So yesterday ended up being a good day. As per my last post, I've decided to start living my life for me, and get back to showing my H what he's missing out on. H showed up last night to see the boys - I was very cheerful,and I also looked nice which helped. Helped him get the kids bathed, and put to bed. He asked where I was going last night (as I had asked him to stay so I could go out). I told him I didn't know yet (which was the truth - my gfriend and I were planning on going to a patio for apps and drinks but hadn't decided where yet). He asked if i was going with my good friend x - I simply said no, and left it at that (again the truth, but decided to leave him guessing as to who I actually was going out with). Put the kids to bed, and I started getting ready in my ensuite - H was on our bed watching tv while I got ready. I did myself up totally, and poured a glass of wine to have while I was doing my hair. Asked H if he wanted a glass, he said sure. As I was getting ready, I actually started suggesting some things he could take for his new house. I think he was quite surprised. I told him he should take the Wii as he always complained he never had time to play it. At first he said no, he would leave it for the boys, but they are too young to play on their own, so he thought about it and said 'i should take it, there's nothing else to do in an empty house'. Giggled to myself. Anyways, I made really cheerful chit chat as I was getting ready. Then I went to my closet and came out with a really short skirt, and pretty top. The nicest I've looked in a long time. He actually told me I looked nice. Its been a long time since I've heard that. Throughout the chit chat, he again asked about my plans, but I didn't really give him a straight answer. It felt good. He wasn't prying, and quite frankly I don't even think it affected him, but I was proud of myself. And doing myself all up had three purposes. First and foremost I knew I looked good, and that made ME feel good about ME. I need some more self esteem right now. Second, I want to remind H what he's missing out on. And three, I am technically single these days so I figure I should always look my best, b/c who knows when and where I might meet someone nice. Anyways, went out, had some food and drinks. Chatted with a good friend. Had a nice time. Wasn't out late - was home by about 10:30. Chatted briefly with H, said good night and he left. I wasn't sad about him leaving or anything. And that felt like progress.
Anyways, who knows what my future holds, but I am going to keep this up b/c it makes ME feel good. I know there will be occasions that I backslide, but hopefully they get fewer and far between.
